‘Quin and I broke up.’

‘Yeah.’ He half sighed. ‘I kinda guessed.’

‘How?’

‘I’m an optimist.’ Then he laughed. ‘Okay, I’m not proud of this but I, ah…Quin’s Instagram? He used to post a lot of photos of you…Are you okay? About the break-up?’

‘Fine. He is too. But, Luke, I can’t sleep. Not since the night with Helen. I mean, I can, slightly. It’s not as if I’ve been wide awake since Helen rang. I’m just managing a couple of hours here and there—’

‘Wait.’ Suddenly he was urgent. ‘Have you any access to pills?’

‘I’m in Mum’s, she gave me a whole box, this house is like a pharmacy—’

‘Get rid of them!’

‘I already have.’ Speaking quickly, I said, ‘Luke, listen to me, it’s okay, I threw them down the sink. I didn’t want them, not at all. But it was better to be safe—although Mum will probably kill me when she finds out. I’ve been to meetings, I had an epic session with Nola, I’m doing the breathing and meditation, I’m asking Yara for help, but I still feel so…nightmare-y. I could ring some helpline but…’ I had to swallow hard. ‘The only person I wanted to talk to is you. I’m so sorry.’

‘Rachel.’ His voice was so soft. So lovely. ‘Why are you sorry? This is okay. It would always be okay.’

‘Your kindness.’ My voice shook. ‘It’s just so…Can you talk to me for a while? Until I feel slightly less…scared?’

‘Of course. Is there anything that might help? If you were counselling a person who was upset, the way you are, what might you say?’

‘…It’s not my specialty, but I’d ask if they had memories of feeling calm or at peace.’

‘Got it. So can you remember a time you felt calm? At peace?’

Something immediately came to mind and I discounted it.

‘Maybe when you were a kid?’

‘Let me have a…’ I found another memory. ‘I was about six or seven. Anna and I had draped a blue bedspread over a table. We were underneath, there were seashells on the floor, like we were under the ocean. The light was dim and blue, I remember feeling serene. Anna and I were the only ones who could breathe underwater. It was just us. I felt strong. Calm.’

‘Any other memories? Places? People? Who made you feel that?’

‘Luke.’ My voice broke. ‘I feel like that with you.’

‘When?’

‘Kind of…’ I gulped. ‘All of the time.’

‘Okay.’ He was thoughtful. ‘Okay.’ Then, ‘So why don’t I come and see you?’

‘…What do you mean?’

‘I mean, get on a plane and come to your house and, you know, see you?’

After a long silence, I asked, ‘When?’

‘Now. Well, as soon as I can catch a flight.’

‘Are you…is this a joke?’