Loveable, actually. I might as well admit it. It was the wrong thing to yearn for but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Out in the garden, the tree looked perfect. Six thirty rolled around and, almost breathless with anticipation, I made the call. And there he was, smiling.

‘Hey.’ I had to fight an urge to hug my iPad. ‘How are you?’

‘Okay. Great, really. So! Let’s see our little girl’s tree.’

For a moment, the breath caught in my chest, the sorrow was so intense. But as I turned the camera, my grief made room for a certain pride. ‘Exquisite, isn’t it?’

‘Totally. But of course it is. She was exquisite.’

Thank you.

After circumnavigating the tree twice, I turned the camera back to me. ‘I’ll send you tons of photos. And would you like some of the petals?’

He seemed surprised. ‘Yes! I’d love them.’

‘Send me your address, I’ll post them!’

‘Okay, thanks. So how was your week?’

An image of Helen flashed in my head and a second too late I answered, ‘Fine.’

He went still. ‘What?’ he asked. ‘Rachel? Is something wrong?’

Should I tell him? ‘My sister Helen, she’s pregnant.’

‘Hey. God almighty.’ He blinked. ‘That’s…is the world ready? And you feel…? Babe, it’s okay to be jealous.’

‘It’s not that. I’m worried that it’ll all go wrong for her.’ Since Helen had announced her pregnancy, anxiety had set up camp in my chest.

‘Is there any reason to think it might?’

‘None. The chances are tiny. Just that I know it happens. I mean, I know it, in my body, if that makes sense?’

He sighed. ‘Yeah. Hopefully it’ll be grand.’

‘Luke…What’s this about feeling jealous? Do you feel that way?’

‘Me? Nah!’

We both laughed.

‘Just.’ He shook his head. ‘Sometimes. There’s Joey, spawning kids left, right and centre…’

‘How many has he now?’

‘Four. I know, it’s hardly a multitude. But he barely even sees his eldest…There are times I want to…’

‘Speak sternly to him?’

‘Yeah.’ He smiled. ‘Very sternly. But it’s okay. It hurts but it’s okay. That’s about as good as it’ll get.’

‘How are you feeling about your mum?’

‘Doing grief counselling.’

‘You are?’ I didn’t know why I was so surprised, after all, he’d told me he’d seen a therapist when he’d first moved to Denver.

‘Oh yeah! This is me now, Rachel! Owning my stuff.’

I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

‘What else is going on for you?’ he asked.

‘Visiting Brigit the weekend after next.’

‘Oh, amazing! How is the Brigit of Madison County? Still in that incredible place?’

‘Even more incredible now.’

‘Rachel, would this be weird? Could you FaceTime me from there?’