BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

He put the bottle down. His eyes on mine, he unzipped his jeans—underneath he was naked and already erect—and slid them off. In one fluid movement, he was halfway up the bed, climbing towards me with intent.

‘Again?’ I asked.

‘Oh God, yeah. Again, Rachel.’

*

We fell asleep once more and I woke at just gone eight. He’d have to leave soon.

He opened his eyes. ‘It really is you,’ he said faintly. ‘This feels like a dream.’

‘It’s real.’ I ran my hand across his stomach. ‘Still flat. How? Don’t tell me you’ve started going to the gym?’

‘We—’ His voice stumbled. ‘I go horse-riding.’

I’d made him remember Kallie.

‘I know,’ I said immediately. ‘We shouldn’t have done this.’

‘…Yeah—’

‘But it wasn’t really sex,’ I said. ‘It was part of our healing.’

In silence, he looked at me and suddenly my shame was overwhelming.

‘Kallie won’t agree,’ I said, feeling even worse. ‘I can only imagine if Quin told me he’d slept with Shiv—that’s his ex-wife—but everything was fine because it was grief, not, like, lust. Luke, I’m so sorry. I hope she’ll forgive you.’

‘Wait now, no one put a gun to my head. I wanted this. But what about Quin?’

‘He’s…He gets that humans are complicated.’ I struggled to find the right words. ‘He’ll be hurt. And angry. But he might understand.’

‘Rachel, that sounds…delusional.’

Now he’d said it, I realized he was right. It was like snapping out of a trance.

‘Oh my God.’ As the extent of the possible damage hit home, I stuttered, ‘I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have—at the time, it made sense but…we have lives. It took us a long time to rebuild them—’

‘Those lives are still there,’ he said. ‘It’s okay. This was a one-off. It won’t happen again.’

‘But I want us to be friends.’ I was adamant. ‘Can we try to forget about…this?’

‘Totally.’

‘You’ll take care of Kallie?’ I was remembering my devastation when I thought he’d cheated with Mia. ‘I’m so sorry for causing her pain.’

‘Of course I will, Rachel. But you mustn’t—’

‘Luke?’ I insisted. ‘You promise?’

He took a moment. ‘I promise. So now will you show me Yara’s tree?’

Out in the garden the air was fragrant with early-morning dewy grass and damp earth. Luke, barefoot, wearing a woolly sweater Devin had left behind, looked around, taking in all my flowers. ‘You’ve done this? It’s incredible. Wait! You have a shed?’