BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

Perhaps he hadn’t slept with Mia? Hard to know for sure, because the man I’d once thought I knew had vanished—metaphorically and literally. But he’d always been surprisingly traditional—quite judgy about cheaters.

‘At the time even my wife didn’t fancy me.’

Who—? Oh me. Didn’t I?

‘You don’t remember. Of course not. But there was a night.’ He shrugged.

Wait, no, I did remember.

‘I hoped we might…reconnect,’ Luke said. ‘You weren’t interested.’

Another of those freeze-frame memories flared, of candlelight and scented oil, of—dear God—Luke taking my face in his hands, the hard heat of him pressing against me through his jeans.

‘I remember.’ I was embarrassed. ‘But I was afraid.’

‘Of me?’

‘Of getting pregnant again. I wasn’t safe to have a baby, I’d never been safe. I was too…toxic. Fucked up. Whatever the word is. You thought so too.’

‘What? I would never…Rachel, we were unlucky, that’s all.’

Hardly daring to breathe, I watched him closely. ‘You did think it.’

‘That’s insane.’ He seemed adamant. ‘I didn’t. I wouldn’t. You said it a few times but I thought you were just trying to guilt me.’

‘Into what?’

‘Feeling sorry for you. So you could take your tablets without any hassle. I didn’t think you actually believed it.’ He wheeled away and muttered, ‘God, this is the worst.’

Returning to face me, he said, ‘If it’s true, you must have gone through hell.’

‘It was true, but I don’t any longer. Quin “cured” me.’

Something flickered across his face. ‘That’s good. Great.’

‘Can I ask you something? The morning when Kallie needed Plan B. You know, the morning-af—’

‘I know what it is. And you’re going to ask if it was a set-up by Kallie? My answer is, I don’t know. We…had…the night before, we’d—But I hadn’t known there was an accident.’ Obviously ill at ease, he looked away. ‘Sorta thing you’d think I might have noticed. Only found out when I got home that evening.’

‘Would Kallie make it up?’

‘Maaaaybe.’ He seemed somewhat entertained by this, if his small smile was anything to go by. ‘She’s…sort of…she’s determined. Kallie wants what Kallie wants, you know? And she wanted to meet you.’

Abruptly, he stopped. ‘I mean no disrespect to Kallie. She and I…I’m a different man now, my relationships are gonna be different to the one you and I had. Kallie suits me. We work.’

‘I didn’t say anything.’

‘Yeah. But. Okay, sorry.’ Making an effort to change his tone, he asked, ‘Is Quin back?’

‘No, he gets in on Saturday morning, about five a.m.’

‘Ouch.’