BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

‘But he tried to make it my fault. Said that I was out of my head on sleeping tablets the whole time.’

‘So what if you were?’

‘Yeah, but I wasn’t.’

‘But who’d blame you?’

Wait, though. This was confusing. ‘Claire. Remember after he left me? And you came to New York? How was I?’

‘In absolute bits.’

‘But was I…coherent? I mean, did I seem…you know, like I’d been taking sleeping pills?’

‘Oh God, yeah.’

‘I don’t just mean at night—’

‘Yeah, yeah, I know, you were taking them round the clock. But your baby had died, your husband had left you. Wouldn’t anyone?’

Oh. Kay.

‘He was the worst,’ she mused. ‘He used to ring me—this was before he left you—complaining about you taking too many tablets. And not just me, he called Anna, Brigit, your friend Nola.’

‘I remember.’ Because soon after Luke rang the person, they then rang me and I’d have the job of putting them right. ‘You know Luke,’ I’d say. ‘Mr Straight Arrow, freaks out over me taking literal aspirin.’

‘Until then,’ Claire said, ‘I never knew he was so judgy.’

In the silence that followed, I heard myself ask, ‘After he’d left me, were you ever…worried about me?’

‘Of course! Your baby had died, your—’

‘I mean, worried that as well as the sleepers, I might…slip back into taking other drugs?’

‘Or that you’d overdose? I mean, yes, but we talked about it. You explained.’

‘What did I say?’

‘That you knew everything there was to know about addiction. That you needed the Ambien until the worst pain about Yara had passed, then you could stop. And then, what—a month or two later?—you did stop. Point proven. Oh, would you look at who it is! Piet! Hi!’

Ah, for the love of feck! Piet the Swinger, here obviously by appointment.

Claire hopped up and she and Piet kissed on the cheek, then exchanged a smouldering, silent stare.

Eventually Claire remembered that I was there. ‘…Ah, you know Rachel? My sister?’

And cover story, I wanted to say.

Poor Adam at home, thinking his wife was out ministering to the needy. When, in fact, his wife had kidnapped the needy, whisking them to a members’ club, a thirty-euro taxi journey away from their car, to provide a paper-thin veneer of plausibility for a meet with a slightly thuggish, shaven-headed, sexy-in-a-sinister-way man.

By way of a greeting, all Piet got from me was a smile-free rise of my chin. For a moment he seemed to be considering coming in for a double kiss but I killed it with a look.