BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

But it was hardly a surprise. We’d broken up in a way that had left me hanging, with a million unanswered questions. Now, all of a sudden, Luke was answering my calls again. If I tried talking to him about what had gone wrong, I suspected he wouldn’t make a run for it.

Not just yet though. Since the funeral, my skin had felt like it was on inside out. I needed to wait until I was less raw.

‘Devin has his own space away from the main house where his band practises,’ Kate said. ‘It’s set up with all the equipment.’

‘How many bedrooms in the house?’

She thought about it. ‘Devin’s room, his mum and dad, his sister, his kid brother, the room Luke and Kallie are in…five, anyway. A gazillion bathrooms.’

‘And his parents are cool with you, um…staying over?’

‘Uh-uh,’ she said. ‘They’re really nice. Well, Justin, you know him. And his mum—Sarina?—she’s lovely too.’

Don’tAskDon’tAskDon’tAsk. ‘…Have you seen’—it was difficult to say her name—‘Kallie again?’

‘This morning.’

I waited.

‘Rach, don’t be mad, but I feel sorry for her. She knows nobody here except Luke and he’s gone all day, over with his dad. Devin’s house is off the bus route and she can’t drive a stick shift—is that a car with gears?’

‘It is.’ God, this was hard. But I needed to nip something in the bud. ‘Of course I’m not mad. The stuff with me and Luke has nothing to do with…’ It was easier to say it a second time. ‘Kallie.’

‘Oh, okay, good.’ She smiled.

I had to go to bed—this had turned into a very rough week and I wanted to check out for a while.

But instead, I ended up thinking about Luke.

*

Long, long ago, back in the days before I’d been to rehab, he and I had had lots of amazing sex. It was the part of us that always worked. The urgency with which he’d wanted me was the hottest thing ever and even when I was embarrassed by his clothes or his friends (seriously, I was awful ) I found him head-spinningly sexy.

But the uncomfortable truth was that when we’d start tearing the clothes off each other, I’d often be slightly out of it—though never a lot. Any time it was obvious, Luke refused to touch me. It confused him—or it made him angry.

He couldn’t understand why I overdid it, and the thing was, neither could I.