“Alright, ladies and gentlemen.” The pow-wow emcee’s voice boomed over the massive sound system. “This young lady makes us all very proud with her talent online in what they call that vir-chew-al reality. And now, coming from a good pow-wow family, she wants to give back to the community in the Anishinaabe way. So she’s gonna dance in her jingle dress one time through and then all the other junior women’s jingle dress dancers are gonna join her for the last three push-ups of the song.”

I’m having an anxiety attack, Bugz thought. She often felt this way outside the Floraverse. Bugz did her best to keep it together in her jingle dress—black with pink-and-green beadwork accented by her metal-cone jingles. She pictured the many elegant Anishinaabe women she’d seen before. She knew their look: dignified, beautiful, calm—just like her mom. While she tried to focus on projecting that image externally, the inside of her head rat-a-tat-tatted a loop of her greatest insecurities. She would soon dance in front of all these people, solo. How many are there, a thousand? She felt the stares of everyone around the pow-wow arbor. Were they focused on her belly rolls? Of course her mom had lied to her earlier when she said Bugz looked great in this regalia. I look fat. I feel fat. I am fat.

Oh great, now I’m starting to sweat. Bugz’s internal monologue flared into full red-alert. She chastised herself for the need she felt to project an image of extreme poise. Gotta make the grandmas proud, right? But she could definitely feel sweat. Under her arms, running down her back. A hot, sweaty, sticky mess. Great.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is our pow-wow way, when one of us receives a great gift, as this young lady certainly has, our culture calls on us to give back with a giveaway ceremony and by sponsoring a pow-wow special like this one. Of course, we all watched her grow up dancing in the jingle dress, the healing dress…”

Of course the emcee has to go on and on. They always do. Nothing a pow-wow emcee liked better than to expound on every single detail of their teachings, to thank every blade of grass with their prayers, and to even explain their corny jokes.

“Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is the pow-wow way…”

Isn’t the pow-wow way to dance and sing? Why all the talking? And why am I so negative right now? Gotta think positive. Well, at least I’m wearing black. No one can see I’m a sweaty mess. Unless my makeup starts running. God! I wish I could check myself in my phone right now.

“So, at this time we are going to ask the Lodge Pole Singers to give us that jingle dress song…”

Boom!