Chapters (65)
- Cover
- Praise for the previous work of
- Dedication
- Epigraph
- 24 April 2018
- Part 1: Subject
- 15 June 1968
- 20 June 1968
- July 1968
- 2 February 2018
- Part 2: Light
- 20 November 1970
- 20 November 1970
- 21 November 1970
- November 1970
- 19 February 2018
- Part 3: Focus
- 15 April 1977
- 18 April 1977
- 15 May 1977
- July 1977
- 26 February 2018
- 8 March 2018
- 8 March 2018
- Part 4: Distance
- 15 May 1979
- 15 May 1979
- 16 May 1979
- June 1979
- 29 March 2018
- 29 March 2018
- 27 March 2018
- Part 5: Movement
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- October 1981
- Part 6: Exposure
- July 1984
- 5 September 1984
- 24 April 2018
- 25 April 2018
- Part 7: Developing
- 26 April 2018
- Vee, in the lost place, 1984
- 26 April 2018
- Epilogue
- 5 February 2019
- Author’s Note
- Acknowledgements
- Letter from Author
- Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
- For your Reading Group
- For discussion
- Select bibliography
- About the author
- Also by Stephanie Butland
Vee looks away, thinking of how she’s worked to make her voice neutral, and how it’s been a month since she last drove out to Colchester, probably the longest time she’s ever not seen her dad. And she’s only really here because she needs something. She had meant to come three weeks ago but it was the weekend after Abigail’s Party, and Leonie had needed a lot of attention. Then, at 4 a.m., while Vee was aching with tiredness and Leonie was pouring another glass of Beaujolais, Vee had realised that what they both needed, really, was for Vee to move out. They were becoming – what was the word Kiki used to describe Jo and Bernard? – co-dependent. The next morning, long before Leonie would wake, Vee had been to see an estate agent. She’d had the presence of mind to bring a bank statement, so they did take her seriously. Now she’s seen a place, near the river in Battersea, which apparently is ‘up-and-coming’. Vee doesn’t really care whether it is or not. She has the knack of not being noticed, so her chances of getting home in one piece are pretty good. And if she can afford to buy the tiny mews house she’s seen, she’s not going to be able to do it up for a while, so it’s not going to look like much of a prospect to burglars. It’s been empty for eight months. It could be hers by the end of summer.
She’s more or less made up her mind to it. She just needs one thing.
‘OK.’ She puts the bowls down, and sits. Her father’s repertoire is limited, in shopping, as well as in cooking, so they have the same meals, over and over. Tinned peaches and custard on Sundays always makes her feel like a child again. She’s been eating it most Sundays for as long as she can remember. (Except in summer, when it’s fruit from the allotment, and evaporated milk.) The question she’s about to ask seems absurd, given that being here makes her feel eleven years old, inside. Still, if there’s one thing she’s learned from Leonie, it’s that if you don’t ask, you don’t get. And you’re entitled to ask. ‘Dad, I need a favour.’
‘Of course, Veronica.’ It’s painful, to see how his face lights at the prospect. Vee knows that he’s lonely, without her at home, even though he fills his days well enough, ‘What do you need, treasure?’