Chapters (65)
- Cover
- Praise for the previous work of
- Dedication
- Epigraph
- 24 April 2018
- Part 1: Subject
- 15 June 1968
- 20 June 1968
- July 1968
- 2 February 2018
- Part 2: Light
- 20 November 1970
- 20 November 1970
- 21 November 1970
- November 1970
- 19 February 2018
- Part 3: Focus
- 15 April 1977
- 18 April 1977
- 15 May 1977
- July 1977
- 26 February 2018
- 8 March 2018
- 8 March 2018
- Part 4: Distance
- 15 May 1979
- 15 May 1979
- 16 May 1979
- June 1979
- 29 March 2018
- 29 March 2018
- 27 March 2018
- Part 5: Movement
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- 10 April 2018
- 18 October 1981
- 10 April 2018
- October 1981
- Part 6: Exposure
- July 1984
- 5 September 1984
- 24 April 2018
- 25 April 2018
- Part 7: Developing
- 26 April 2018
- Vee, in the lost place, 1984
- 26 April 2018
- Epilogue
- 5 February 2019
- Author’s Note
- Acknowledgements
- Letter from Author
- Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
- For your Reading Group
- For discussion
- Select bibliography
- About the author
- Also by Stephanie Butland
‘Leonie,’ Vee says, and then just to get the conversation away, onto different ground, ‘Paul. Is he the . . .’ She pauses, to choose the right word, and Leonie jumps in, primed for annoyance, ‘The what?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It did a minute ago.’
And this is why people leave marriages, Vee supposes. It’s easier than it used to be, to get out of a miserable relationship. It’s acceptable to be divorced (at least in London, though she wouldn’t fancy the chances of her friends back home), and though the sisters are claiming this as a victory for women taking their power, taking control, Vee suspects that many splits are nothing to do with women realising how oppressed they are. Divorce is surely more likely to be born of one too many conversations like this, bickering and unkind. It’s so strange, the way you get to know someone well enough to antagonise them, and at some point, you choose to do that. Whereas you used to choose to support them, because you know them well enough to do that, too. ‘Is he the what? Go on, ask.’
Vee sighs, ‘Is he the father?’
‘Of who?’
‘Oh, come on, Leonie.’ Vee gets up. ‘I don’t have time for this.’
‘No, because your fucking career takes up all your time.’
‘OK.’ Vee holds up her hands, an ‘anything for peace’ gesture. ‘Is Paul the father of the baby you—’
The hesitation is tiny but Leonie’s on it. ‘Come on, Miss Unflinching Lens. Say the a-word.’
‘Ms. Not “Miss”,’ Vee says. It’s worth a try – Leonie can sometimes be diffused this way – but she doesn’t laugh. She’s paler than usual, her hair greasy. Left to herself she eats badly, and Vee hasn’t been around to cook, much. She always makes sure the fruit bowl is full even though she knows that’s a pretty redundant exercise. Leonie likes pizza from the restaurant round the corner, rice pudding eaten from the tin with a spoon, French Fancies, cheese. She eats bananas, sometimes, and the occasional apple, though she says they are too much work.
Leonie glares. ‘Don’t change the subject.’
‘Is Paul the father of the baby you got rid of?’
‘Can you do it less judgementally?’