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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

‘I don’t think so.’ She did, but she went close up, so the baby wasn’t part of the shot. Leonie had looked thoughtful, serene, when she framed the shot, but by the time Vee pressed the shutter she had realised she was being watched and was glaring straight into the lens. Some you catch, some get away. Leonie will never see the photo, so she doesn’t need to know.

‘Good,’ Leonie says, with a slightly disbelieving look in her eyes that Vee knows she deserves.

‘I saw Bea. It’s been years.’

‘She said the same about you,’ Leonie says, ‘we were saying how you’d changed.’

Vee knows this is a dig but she doesn’t need to let it touch her. ‘Well, haven’t we all? But yes, I probably had further to come than the rest of you.’ She runs her hand over her head, feeling the hair so short and sharp against her hand, and thinks of how when she came to see the strike at Dagenham she still slept in rollers, and sprayed the waves in her hair solid every morning. A willing party to her own oppression, in those days. She was sleepwalking, really, apart from that little curious corner of her heart that was sufficiently awake to want to see what was going on at the Ford machinists’ strike. ‘I wasn’t exactly assertive.’

Leonie laughs, but it’s a kind sound, a recognition. ‘You weren’t the only one. There are thousands of women, now, still, not asserting themselves’ – she winds down the window, lights a cigarette from the remains of the pack Bea gave her – ‘but the fact is, you can’t be a woman in this world and not be assertive. Unless you’re going to just accept your oppression and go and lie down under some man, have his baby and give up on yourself.’

Dagenham-Vee would have eaten this up, but Greenham-Vee ponders before replying, ‘You’re presupposing a lot about men, there.’

‘I just spent half an hour talking to Tanya. She used to be all for slashing tyres. Now she’s leaking milk from both tits and talking about peaceful protest.’

Vee laughs, ‘That’s not a man’s fault, though, is it? That’s Tanya. She once told me I was letting myself down because I didn’t want to go to some workshop she was running. I think it was about masturbation.’

‘Probably. She’s always been all about the cunt. Which is great, you know. You have to choose your . . . battleground.’