I'm here for a photo shoot for Vanity Fair. Another yearend wrap-up feature from the prominent portraitist of our time, Annie Liebowitz. This year I think Leo is "The Raconteur," Dame Judi Dench is "The Maven," and I guess I am "The Virtuoso" or something like that. She's taking my picture in front of some burning oil cans and '90s bric-a-brac. Very real, rough, recession-y. I think just to show how I am a survivor, and come from humble beginnings and all that. You know how magazines are. They love that kind of stuff.

You do seem stressed though. But good-stressed. Stress doesn't always have to be bad, you know? Stress is sometimes good for getting work done. And I read in Simple Organic Makeovers magazine that it actually can boost your immune system.

You know, why don't you call me? I would love to have you over to my waterfront property. It's so relaxing there, and I have this great tea garden that Tyler designed, and Carl constructed this cute veranda for me out of recyclable plastic liter bottles.

It's just sometimes when your life is going really well and you are peaking with ambition like you are now, you kind of forget to find time for yourself and your friends. You forget the more important things in life. Like close friendships and relationships. I read that in Simple Organic Makeovers too. Just keep that in mind, you know? You know how headfirst you are.

You don't remember my cell number? Well here it is again. You never know when you'll need me to bail you out. How funny you can't remember! If you occasionally forget things, don't worry. It doesn't necessarily mean you're developing Gradual Askalar Neuro-Decay. What you're experiencing is probably perfectly normal.

At least that's what Greta says in her second memoir, Captive Mind: Sourcing the Self After Askalar. You should pick it up. It's not doing as well as the first one but you can find it on Amazon.

"Sophomore slump?" Yeah . . . I guess you could call it that . . . in a negative way. But Greta renounced all that concern about getting ahead and ratings and book sales a long time ago. You know she's a real . . . writer. She doesn't really succumb to trends and styles and the fickle marketplace. She moved upstate, since breaking up with Carl, and has a gorgeous place along the river. She's teaching and dating happily. It's a simple life: no TV, no pushy job, no demanding fakery. And I think because she was so open, she met this great simple guy, Bedford, who is a maple syrup farmer and totally devoted to her. He's just not a hipster. He's real.

Oh! Hold the elevator!

Oh wow that sounds so creepy of me, sorry.

Thank you. Oh wow hi Anna! You look AMAZING!

See you honey. I'll call—

Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003

Settling