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Back The Underminer Save as PDF
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

You know, I am so sorry I haven't been in touch. I have been really really busy. Not even enough time for myself even. Just running around! "Hey photograph this!" "Hey curate this!" "Hey will you be the spokesperson for our premium jeans line!" Go away, you know? Not enough time for myself even.

And I miss you! We should really be more in touch. I hate how we drifted apart. Ha! Sheila and I were laughing so much about that story you told us. How you lost your virginity at Pi Kap to a guy wearing a mud mask for blackheads? That should definitely go into some routine of yours. Or profile or skit. You are still writing, right? And trying to do what you do? Well, the mud mask story is so funny! It should at least go in your "itogether" profile.

No, yeah, no I know you are on it. Yes of course it's anonymous, but Sheila told me. Well along with the Max Rax, she owns "itogether.com." Personally I think it's cool! It's cool that you are on the market and over the typical dumb age on those sites! It's really the way to go for singles over thirty-five. And you seem like you haven't had micro and Botox and all that junk, so you look like a regular person with a regular complexion, so that's even better.

Oh my God before I forget, she told me to tell you that your DESPERATE DATER™ profile with the subject line "I'm really really lonely" is down. I guess the system can't like have up entries that have low response . . . something about it blocking the flow of the system.

No! Don't be embarrassed! There's nothing wrong with Internet dating! It's just good practice for people who haven't learned how to talk like normal in normal situations. A good training ground! And anyway you look sexy the way your body looks now. You're not too fat.

You're eating bread pudding? How brave. It's like the embodiment of carbs.

But I gotta get a move on because I am up to my goiter in work! I'm just directing one of Jacob's new videos. Have you heard it? His new single, "The Lost One," is going to be huge.

Hm? Oh yeah, no no no no. I don't work here. God I don't know how you can handle it. I could never do the nine to five thing. (More like nine to eight, right? Ha ha!) Everyone is so well dressed and there is such high pressure. Ulcer City!