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Back The Underminer Save as PDF
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

No! Not all the time, but sometimes. I know, it's so embarrassing but really it's not that big of a deal. I just thought you should know. I would be so angry at a friend if they let me go for months without telling me that I have had bad breath, and I'm just an honest person. It's probably a Weeshta digestion issue. Maybe you could, like, keep an apple in your bag to, you know, clear out your palate. You should like eat an apple.

Keep an apple in your bag!

There. Perfect. You can think about that while you practice "Cleansing Breath."

What? Shh! Class is starting!

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The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997

The Fat Flush '90s

in the foyer of a friend's renovated brownstone, 1997

Oh my God, hi! I was just leaving! Hi, hi, what are you doing here? I didn't know you still were friends with Sam! Oh, that's right. He says you're on his list serve. I forgot.

Well look at you with your new haircut! You've had it for a while? I guess I haven't seen you! Well look at you! You got a haircut! It looks really different! It's a haircut! I like the way it frames the circle shapes of your face.

Wow, what a house, huh? Sam used free-trade mahogany wood. I am so happy for him and his amazing success. I mean, the Ten Hot New Actors article in Vanity Fair and then his first hit Broadway show. Wow. I am sure Sam would totally love to see you. And introduce you to his new girlfriend, Cameron, this amazing actress who is blond and gorgeous with great comic timing to boot. Oh, you've heard of her? Cool. I just can't tell who is "known" and who isn't anymore. I barely pay attention. You more like read that tabloid crap, right?

No I know it's fun so you can see parties and whatever. Oh! Could you hold on a second?

Andy! Andy! Hold on a second I'll be right there.

Are you here with anybody? No? That's fun that you're your own person and came anyway. It's all good. It's all good.

Do you want me to hold your bulky coat while you get straightened up? Oh. That's not your coat. That's your—more your sides, I think.

Oh no, there's totally people left in there . . . it's like at that point of a party where people are just coming to desperately hook up, you know? Ha ha! Of course I should let YOU know—the bar's in the back! And there's plenty of your favorite—bourbon! Drinkie drinkie!

What? Oh you don't drink anymore. That's great. God, end of an era, good for you—congratulations. That is so . . . I'm so proud of you. Is something like this party hard to go to for you?