Blood rushed to my head and my chest pounded. I hadn’t heard her voice in…how long had it been? Two years? Three?

“How did you get the new number?” I asked, more harshly than I’d intended.

“My lawyer.”

“Oh.” I put my crackers on the coffee table but didn’t sit. I wasn’t about to get comfortable.

“I thought I would get the machine,” she confessed.

“Yeah, well, I was waiting for a friend of mine to call.”

“How have you been?”

The part of me that hated her wanted to fire off a zinger. Aim for the heart, shoot-to-kill. But another part in me, a part I had no explanation for, wanted to keep her on the phone. Especially since she sounded sober.

“I’ve been okay,” I ventured.

“Just okay?”

“I’m fine, all right? Everything’s fine. Jesus!”

“Well good, honey, I’m glad to hear it.” Her voice was huskier than I remembered.

I didn’t say anything.

“Jacqueline? Don’t you want to know how I am?”

“You’re not going to tell me you’ve got cancer or something, are you?”

“No! Of course not. I’m just making conversation, for goodness sake.”

“Okay, then ‘for goodness sake,’ how are you?”

“Actually, I’m great. I just got back from three weeks of windsurfing in Maui. A friend of mine, a great windsurfer, is teaching me.”

“While he’s at it, maybe he could teach you to get a job,” I said in my father’s tone.

She didn’t respond.

“Hello? Merilee?”

“I’m still here, you can’t get rid of me that easily. How’s school?”

“Crappy.”

“I hated school too. I hope you didn’t catch that from me.” She laughed softly.

So far, she hadn’t said one terrible thing.

“You sound different, Merilee.”

“Well, I haven’t been drinking, if that’s what you’re hinting at. Is that what you’re hinting at?”

“No, I’m—” Suddenly I got nervous. Quit now before things turned bad, I told myself. Plus, if Daddy found out… “Look, I should get off the phone.”

“Jacqueline—”

“Jackie!”

“Jackie.”

“What? What is it? What do you want?”

“I was wondering if you would like to come to Hawaii,” she paused, “for your birthday.”

Now, I sat down.

“Is this a joke, Merilee?”

“I thought it might be nice.”

“Nice?”

“I thought it might be time.”

“Time?”

“Well, obviously I’m not saying it right.”

“You know Daddy’ll never let me.”

“You’re probably right. I thought I’d ask anyway. I’m sorry I upset you.”

“I’m not… I mean, I didn’t…”

There was silence. I thought she might have hung up.

“Mom?”

“I’m still here.”

“Are you serious about this?”

“I’ll buy the ticket right now if you say yes.”

“Since when can you afford to buy a plane ticket?” I asked.