I don’t need to get into how Dayana was called to rescue me as my emergency contact, or my transition into living with Dalma and her family, or all the nightmares I had and the nightmares I have now and what’s changed and what’s stayed the same. I probably couldn’t even get the words out if I tried, I got myself so deep in those memories that I swear that Death-Cast must have gone live hours ago while I was too busy thinking about the towers falling with my parents inside.

“Can I hug you?”

Valentino’s words surprise me, cutting through the air like there are no other sounds—no cars honking, no Death-Cast reps with microphones, no sobs coming out my own mouth.

I nod, still crying, like I’m still that kid who needed to be comforted over and over because I felt so lonely.

My heart is pounding as he wraps his arms around me. The hug is tight, his pecs pressed against my flat chest.

“I hate that you lived through that,” Valentino says. “I’m sorry I asked.”

I shake my head, my chin dragging along his shoulder. “Nope, we started it.”

Dalma clears her throat. “I did some light teasing, but you popped the question first.” She winks, swearing she’s cute with that little turn of phrase, and it’s actually solid but mortifying when I’m hugging this guy who is into other guys but that doesn’t automatically mean me.

I break the hug, way too self-conscious now.

“One last thing,” I say, wiping away my tears.

“For real?” Dalma asks, then flashes a smile. “I’m kidding, but for real for real, it’s almost midnight.”

I turn to the jumbotron, and that hourglass is almost full at the bottom.

“I’ll be fast,” I say.

“You don’t have to be,” Valentino says.

I rest my hand on his shoulder, the same shoulder my chin was just on. “Look, maybe we’ll never talk again beyond tonight, but there’s one thing I’d love for you to take away from this encounter.”

He leans in, attentive.

“You said that if someone you hold in your heart dies, then you die too. I love my parents so damn much, every time I got to talk about them in past tense like they’re nothing but ghosts instead of the living, breathing, solid people they were, it breaks me.” We’re minutes from midnight. “Here’s the truth no one ever wants to admit when death is on the horizon, or when you’re deep in that grief—as long as you keep existing, you’ll keep breathing, and if you’re breathing, one day you’ll start living again.”