Back That Night Save as PDF
Contents ( 166)
  1. Gillian McAllister
  2. Contents
  3. About the Author
  4. Prologue
  5. 1.
  6. Cathy
  7. 2.
  8. Joe
  9. 3.
  10. Cathy
  11. 4.
  12. Now
  13. 5.
  14. Then
  15. 6.
  16. Joe
  17. Part I
  18. 7.
  19. Joe
  20. 8.
  21. Now
  22. 9.
  23. Then
  24. 10.
  25. Lydia
  26. 11.
  27. Joe
  28. 12.
  29. Cathy
  30. 13.
  31. Now
  32. 14.
  33. Then
  34. 15.
  35. Cathy
  36. Part II
  37. 16.
  38. Joe
  39. 17.
  40. Now
  41. 18.
  42. Then
  43. 19.
  44. Joe
  45. 20.
  46. Joe
  47. 21.
  48. Now
  49. Part III
  50. 22.
  51. Then
  52. 23.
  53. Cathy
  54. 24.
  55. Joe
  56. 25.
  57. Joe
  58. 26.
  59. Now
  60. 27.
  61. Then
  62. 28.
  63. Lydia
  64. 29.
  65. Joe
  66. 30.
  67. Cathy
  68. 31.
  69. Lydia
  70. 32.
  71. Cathy
  72. 33.
  73. Joe
  74. 34.
  75. Cathy
  76. 35.
  77. Now
  78. 36.
  79. Then
  80. 37.
  81. Joe
  82. 38.
  83. Now
  84. 39.
  85. Then
  86. 40.
  87. Joe
  88. 41.
  89. Now
  90. 42.
  91. Then
  92. 43.
  93. Joe
  94. 44.
  95. Cathy
  96. 45.
  97. Lydia
  98. 46.
  99. Joe
  100. 47.
  101. Cathy
  102. 48.
  103. Now
  104. 49.
  105. Then
  106. Part IV
  107. 50.
  108. Joe
  109. 51.
  110. Cathy
  111. 52.
  112. Now
  113. 53.
  114. Then
  115. Part V
  116. 54.
  117. Joe
  118. 55.
  119. Cathy
  120. Part VI
  121. 56.
  122. Joe
  123. 57.
  124. Cathy
  125. 58.
  126. Now
  127. 59.
  128. Then
  129. 60.
  130. Joe
  131. 61.
  132. Cathy
  133. 62.
  134. Cathy
  135. 63.
  136. Joe
  137. 64.
  138. Cathy
  139. 65.
  140. Joe
  141. 66.
  142. Lydia
  143. 67.
  144. Joe
  145. Part VII
  146. 68.
  147. Joe
  148. 69.
  149. Now
  150. 70.
  151. Then
  152. 71.
  153. Cathy
  154. 72.
  155. Now
  156. 73.
  157. Then
  158. 74.
  159. Now
  160. Epilogue
  161. Acknowledgements
  162. Read more
  163. Read more
  164. Prologue
  165. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING
  166. Table of Contents

The blood on their skin and clothes looks even worse in the daylight. ‘We’ll have to throw everything we’re wearing away,’ she says quietly.

Frannie nods. ‘We can go in the back way,’ she says.

Cathy can’t wait to shower. To slough off the dirt and blood and the history of it from her skin, the steam warm and wet in her lungs as she breathes it in. And then she can’t wait to work, to forget the world around her, to lose herself in admin.

But, first, they must make sure this is sorted, covered up.

The clothes. The blood. The car. Alibis. CCTV. DNA. Forensics. It seems so endless to Cathy, walking next to her siblings, their faces squinting into the sun.

She turns her mind to the first thing. Because this isn’t over. It’s actually just beginning. This is the first day, in a whole lifetime of lies.

10.

Lydia

Lydia has become crazy about – of all things – the precise meaning of first-morning urine. That is her first thought as Paul wakes her up. He does it in exactly the way Frannie said he would when she briefed her and Joe. ‘More an angry, hungry shout than a cry,’ she had said drily. It had been one time – of many – when Lydia had wanted to be like Frannie. A single mother, still seeming to enjoy parenthood. Still wry. Still groomed, glossy, the same as all of the Plants. Dark hair, skin that tans easily, unusually bright eyes.

It’s 5.55 in the morning. So does this count as first-morning? Or is it still the night? What exactly is the idea behind first-morning urine anyway?

Lydia has been pleasantly surprised to find that – unlike the art of conception – looking after a two-year-old overnight has been quite simple. Paul hadn’t woken up at all and now, as she looks at him standing indignantly upright in the cot, he’s thoughtful, his face a perfect facsimile of Joe’s. It would be so easy to pretend for a second that he is theirs, but Lydia doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to muddy the future with fantasies.

Paul smiles to himself, as he often does, as if remembering something deep in the past that made him laugh. She has noticed this week that he has an actual formed personality, something she wasn’t sure most toddlers had. He pretends he is a dinosaur when he eats. Broccoli because brachiosauruses ate from trees. Fish fingers because spinosauruses ate fish. He knows a handful of words, and almost all of them are the names of dinosaurs. ‘He can’t say yes but he can say velociraptor,’ Frannie said yesterday in a restaurant, while they all laughed.

Lydia picks him up and holds him to her hip, his soft bare feet dangling down and hitting her thighs. Hazy from sleep, she turns towards the bed, in the dimness from the heavy curtains, and squints. Where’s Joe?

She changes Paul’s nappy while he gazes up at her, completely trusting. His thighs are cold and cushiony, delightful, the texture of a blancmange. Lydia presses a finger into his calf, watching the perfectly smooth skin yield and release. One day she might have one of these, she finds herself thinking, as though he is an object or coveted possession. She hopes her baby is as nice as Paul.