‘Let’s begin,’ said Amber. Her voice dropped, her words a low incantation. ‘Tell us where you’re going to take us.’

Marco’s story had been so dramatic, so rockstar. Drugs and danger. Would my own trauma seem pathetic and suburban by comparison? Amber picked up on my hesitation.

‘Arthur. Some reiki would help here.’

And then his strong hands were cupping my head, fingers on my neck, unexpected waves of trance-like relaxation spreading through my body and giving me a burst of clarity. My reticence wasn’t about whether my story was dramatic enough – it was my reluctance to betray my family, to unlock the box. And all the time I was betraying me. I still hadn’t told Amber the whole story, because I could barely tell it to myself. The time was now.

‘I was thirteen, and I was in the drama group,’ I started. Drama was everywhere it seemed. ‘We were doing Top Girls. I was the lead, Marlene.’ I laughed nervously and everyone supportively laughed with me. ‘Sorry, that’s not really the point of this story.’

Amber stroked my arm supportively while Arthur’s hands were still wrapped around my head. Was it wrong how much I liked the feeling? How much I didn’t want him to stop? My eyes met his for a split second and I glanced away.

‘Mrs Farrell, our teacher who was directing it, was ill and she had to leave the rehearsal. She was pregnant and it was making her sick.’

Amber’s fingers exerted a microsecond of pressure on my arm.

‘So I came home. It was the middle of the day. I remember it was January and I’d borrowed Mum’s leather gloves without asking and I’d lost one. I was trying to work out if I should fess up or try to find a way to replace them, but I knew I’d never be able to afford to.’

‘You see’, said Amber softly, ‘how your mum is always your internal anchor? But all the stories you tell about her are studded with these tiny, painful battles.’

‘I know,’ I said, my voice high and tight now, all too aware where it was I was heading. I never spoke this out loud. ‘I could hear someone was upstairs,’ I said, ‘even though I’d thought the house would be empty and it’d just be me, watching TV.’

I stopped again, and this time it was harder to find the path back.

‘Here,’ said Amber. ‘Take a sip of tea. It’s warming. It’ll bring you back into your body.’