Lying was my second language, and I was most definitely bilingual. Perhaps I still am.

‘Let me walk you to the tube, at least,’ he said. ‘It’s late.’

‘Thanks,’ I said reluctantly.

I turned to finish my goodbyes.

‘Are you going home, home?’ whispered Hannah after I’d hugged Marco, and I nodded my assent. ‘Call you tomorrow,’ she said, conspiratorial, and released me into the night.

Tim and I walked a hundred yards in silence, the awkwardness returning now we were alone. There weren’t many people around, so we lacked for convenient distractions.

‘I’m glad you’re doing so well,’ I ventured.

‘Thanks,’ he said, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his long wool coat. Silence settled like snow, but then he swept it aside. ‘I wanted to talk to you actually.’

‘Right,’ I said. The tube was only three minutes or so away now. I could get through this.

‘I’ve been thinking about it – medically – what I saw. You know, cold light of day and all that.’

He was so fucking doctor-ly, like a visiting physician in a black-and-white film.

‘We don’t need to talk about it,’ I protested.

He turned to look at me, his serious expression spotlighted by a streetlamp.

‘Please, just hear me out. I know you’re working with Amber because you’ve had problems with addiction, and if you’d taken something to take the edge off the anxiety, I get it. It was scary for all of us to go that deep with our traumas.’

‘Of course I didn’t,’ I snapped. This new family was turning out to be exactly like my real family, judging and mistrusting me. ‘I wouldn’t come to a healing retreat and then get fucked up on drugs.’

‘Rachel, please…’ said Tim, his hands held up in surrender. ‘I’m not trying to insult you. I know how that probably sounded. I’m just worried.’

‘Why do you keep going on about this?’ I said, pulling ahead of him, my head dropping against the cold and his continued assault.

‘Because if you didn’t take it, who gave it to you?’

‘What?’

‘That wasn’t just reiki, or the power of the emotional release. You were on something.’ He had good enough manners to look embarrassed. ‘I could see there was something building up with you and Arthur. You don’t think he’d have done that to you, do you? I know it sounds crazy but – I care about you, Rachel. You’re vulnerable.’

My heart was pounding in my chest. The illuminated sign outside Stockwell tube was yards away from us now. I took off, half running.

‘Goodnight, Tim,’ I shouted behind me. I whacked a credit card down on the barrier and threw myself onto a Northern Line train, music pounding through my headphones.

That night I had my first drink.

LILY