I sunk backwards, my sadness suddenly a dead weight that felt like it could crush me into dust. I forced myself to rally.

‘Anyway, her fucking ego wouldn’t allow it,’ I said. ‘She can’t bear people thinking we’re not the perfect family. It’s pretty much part of the business plan.’

Amber laughed. ‘And – newsflash – you’re not a commodity. How many messages has she sent you in the past twenty-four hours?’

‘Five texts and two emails.’ I shuddered. ‘That email yesterday afternoon really felt like a threat.’

‘What made it feel that way?’

Amber was so focused – as energized as she’d been on each of our sessions in Devon, but now her attention was all mine. It made me feel unattractively smug.

‘The way she talked about you. I’m sorry…’

‘It’s okay. I can be strong for both of us,’ said Amber, with that mischievous smile of hers. ‘I don’t scare easily.’

‘She talked about not letting you take me away from her. That she was taking steps. She doesn’t say that kind of thing unless she means it.’

A shiver of fear whispered across me, like someone had walked across my grave, and I leaned into Amber again. She took my weight, stroked my hair. It didn’t seem strange to me at all back then. Now when I conjure it up, it’s like an ancient snapshot from a time so different that I’d have to study my face to truly swear that it was me.

‘And you’ve asked her, when she’s texted, to stop, haven’t you? More than once?’

I nodded assent. ‘Totally.’

‘So, she’s ignoring that, and continuing to make threats. In fact, those threats are escalating. Becoming more sinister.’

‘Yes,’ I said, my voice barely audible.

Amber looked down at me, her eyes as clear and bright as stars.

‘You’re going to struggle with what I’ve got to say, but try to hear the words and feel how your body reacts. Your body will always tell you the truth if you choose to hear its messages.’

‘I’m listening,’ I whispered.

‘Think about what it would mean to be free of all this guilt, all this shame… all of the shit, Rachel! All of the shit that isn’t yours, which was dumped onto you and is still being used to control you and destroy your life.’

Lightness overtook me, like I was a helium balloon, disappearing into infinite sky.

‘I’d be free.’

Freedom or annihilation? Hard to call.

‘Exactly,’ said Amber triumphantly. ‘And I’ve got a plan to get you there.’

LILY

I dropped by in the morning with two steaming lattes that I’d picked up in an unexpected gap between viewings – an entirely self-created one – and flattered Nick into taking an afternoon off.