Tim was gay, an A&E doctor, and he’d been having an affair with a married male colleague for the past three years. He was illegitimate, too, and Amber was convinced it was all part of the same internal story.

‘Certainly do, Shameful Secret.’

I caught his eye, wondering if we’d smile at the ridiculousness, but we didn’t. It was yet another reminder that I needed to fully commit. As he poured a hot stream of coffee into one of the tannin-ringed mugs, Arthur ambled into the room, scuffing his beard with his left hand. He surveyed the room, then crossed directly over to me.

‘Happy Christmas, you,’ he said softly, leaning downwards so that his lips almost grazed my earlobe.

‘Happy Christmas to you too,’ I stuttered, willing my cheeks not to flush.

Amber was watching us from the stove, the wooden spoon static in her hand, her gaze steady and unwavering. Was it pity or contempt I could see in her eyes?

A shudder of self-disgust ripped through my body. She was my focus. She was my protector. I needed to stifle this crush before it ruined everything I’d worked so hard to gain.

LILY

The pop of the cork sounded more like a bullet to the head than a celebration. We always have champagne on Christmas morning, our flutes chinking, our little family circle something magical and precious. Of course there had been absences in the past – triumphant in-laws who’ve made off with my babies, claiming it’s ‘their’ Christmas – but there had never been an absence as agonizing as this one.

‘Cheers!’ said Sophie, smashing her glass against mine.

‘Careful,’ I said sharply. ‘These were your grandmother’s.’

I could feel how eager she was to please, how determined to fill the space of two, and it irritated me. What an ungrateful fool I was back then.

‘Sorry, Mum,’ she said, her body imperceptibly shifting towards Toby’s soft bulk. He was built for comfort not for speed, my son-in-law, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe, despite her outward naivety, Sophie had listened more carefully than her sister to the cautionary tales that her father and I had silently taught them about love.

‘Happy Christmas, everyone!’ said Josh, a self-satisfied grin splitting his face in two. He seemed genuinely unconcerned about Rachel’s absence.

He must have seen my face. ‘Come on, Mum, it’s fine. She’s sulking. Do her good to miss us. It’ll remind her what she’s actually got.’