All the rage I’d been mutating into false calm surged up, overwhelming. I pulled my hand away and reached for my bag on the floor, flicking open the lock on the passenger door.

‘You’re every bit as responsible,’ I hissed. ‘If anything happens to our daughter, it won’t just be the police with blood on their hands.’

Anger was making me sloppy. The truth was beginning to erupt, however much I fought to contain it.

RACHEL

My eyes tracked Arthur as he leaned over the bar, effortlessly charming our drinks out of the barmaid as other customers jostled for service. For a horrible second, his resemblance to my dad – the particular way they swung through the trees in the jungle – was too acute to ignore. I pushed the thought away – there wasn’t time for it. I already had an agenda for this evening: I had to know if there was any truth to Tim’s horrible, torturing suggestions.

Arthur came ambling back to the table, a drink held in each of his gnarled hands. He put down my white wine and raised a bushy eyebrow.

‘Are you sure you’re alright with this?’

My hand moved towards the glass a little too fast, a bandit reaching for a gun.

‘Yeah, honestly, I’m fine now. Me and Amber agree on that. The binge drinking was really just a symptom – a way of making my unhappiness visible.’ Arthur looked slightly glazed over. ‘But I’m so much better now!’

I took a gulp of my drink, waiting for the internal equation to kick in – a starburst of pleasure followed by a pleasing numbness. How had I survived without this sensation for all those months? I hoped it would give me the courage to find the words I needed.

‘As long as you’re sure,’ said Arthur, taking a long mouthful of his Guinness. We were in a west London pub around the corner from his flat, which did a bad impression of a spit and sawdust boozer. The Chablis by the glass and the plates of charcuterie, reluctantly picked at by skinny blondes on Tinder dates, told a very different story.

‘Definitely,’ I gabbled. ‘I mean, everything’s going so much better. I’ve finally set appropriate boundaries with my family, work’s stabilizing and the depth I’m reaching with Amber…’ I unconsciously touched my heart through my jumper, the way Hannah would. ‘It’s really changed me.’

It seems incredible to me now, the way I could simultaneously live in multiple realities. No wonder the questions I had to ask were still too mangled to pass my lips.

‘That’s great, Rachel,’ said Arthur.

Silence stretched out between us. My mouth was dry, and I took another greedy gulp of wine.

‘Have you got your boys this weekend?’ I asked, still playing for time.