Mum’s jaw was rigid, her eyes cold. Why was I doing this?

‘I’m surprised you want to talk about the christening at all,’ she said. ‘I thought we’d made a collective decision to leave it behind us.’

‘I just want us to start being honest with each other,’ I said. ‘Even if it’s uncomfortable.’

‘Is that the therapy talking?’ she spat, making angry quotation marks in the air.

‘No,’ I said, infused with an unexpected calm. ‘It’s me talking. Rachel. Your daughter. You know, the other one.’

The waiter reappeared; Mum’s wine glass balanced on a tray. As she looked up at him, her poise was all but gone, her hand shaking as she reached for it. It turned out she really did have a lot invested in me burying my own shit.

‘Let’s not do this to each other,’ she said, voice tight. ‘I thought things were getting easier.’

‘I want it to be easier too, Mum,’ I said. ‘I just want to understand you.’

‘Maybe there’s not all that much to understand,’ she said, her tone a full stop.

I couldn’t help myself. ‘Why do you put up with it?’

‘Don’t you think there’s something rather icky about prying into your parents’ marriage?’ she said. ‘Most children would run a mile in the opposite direction.’

‘But it’s affected me,’ I said, my voice starting to rise. ‘These problems I’ve had, they’re not some kind of freak accident. They came from somewhere.’

‘Oh, it’s my fault?’ she said. Her tone was piercing; heads were discreetly starting to turn in our direction. ‘What an appalling cliché, Rachel. Take some responsibility.’

I stood up, legs shaky. I wasn’t going to be victimized by her a second longer.

‘I’m sorry you’ve made the choice to be angry. I’m just trying to make our relationship better. I wish you could be brave enough to see that.’

She snorted, looked up at me with something close to hatred. ‘Which just goes to show how pitifully little you know about any kind of relationship.’

I pulled out as much cash as I could find from my purse, threw it down. There was a crumpled up ten-euro note in the pathetic pile I left.

‘I’m sorry, Mum, I can’t do this anymore,’ I said, shoving my way through the tight tables before she could get up and follow me.

LILY

The hallway light was on as my taxi pulled up. I stared at the glow, as transfixed as a moth, my hand refusing to dig into my handbag for the fare. I took a breath in, tried to reset.

‘Hi, darling,’ I trilled, as I finally stepped inside.

Nick ambled down the hall towards me. His shirt was untucked, a couple of buttons undone.