‘But in a way, that’s the tragedy. Such wasted potential, Rachel! The way your family have treated you. You hating yourself, every single day. All that potential’s been sucked down the drain.’

I couldn’t let her words slip inside and destroy me, even though they were so perfectly judged. She knew exactly where my bruises lay. ‘What are you trying to say?’

She studied my face. ‘That my investment in you – my love for you – it’s completely genuine. What I’m about to tell you doesn’t take away from that. I truly believe your family are toxic, and what you need more than anything is to liberate yourself from them at any cost.’

‘Just say it, Amber, please,’ I said, willing the desperation out of my voice. ‘Whatever it is.’

Amber paused, a faraway expression on her face as she looked out of the window. ‘Please try to just hear this, Rachel. Don’t go straight to betrayal. I’ve taught you so much about how complex it is to be human. How nuanced.’ She was staring into my eyes now. ‘It’s not just your life that your parents have destroyed. It’s also mine.’ She paused. ‘And my child’s.’

‘Your child’s?’ I said, blindsided. ‘I didn’t even know you had a child.’

She looked stricken. ‘There’s been times when it’s felt as though I didn’t. When our relationship has been so broken – thanks to your parents – that it almost died.’

‘My parents? What the hell have my parents got to do with your child?’

And then, as I stared at her – as I looked into the twin sapphires of her eyes – it felt as though the earth was cratering beneath my feet. My hand was over my mouth, a sharp tang of vomit in the back of my throat.

‘Esther. Esther’s your child.’

Amber nodded slowly, a slow smile spreading across her face, as though order had finally been restored. ‘My baby,’ she said.

LILY

I barely slept that night, and for once it wasn’t down to Nick’s snuffling, piggy snores. Instead it was Amber, stalking my personal darkness. Invading every crack and crevice of my life, past and future. I was back in a PTA meeting, but now no one would listen to a word I said, even when I banged the table. Deborah’s upturned face melted horribly into Amber’s. I was trapped with that smug policewoman, in a cell this time, and before I knew it, her mask of judgement and condescension had also transformed into Amber’s face. That dinner with Rachel – my precious, beautiful girl – suddenly became dinner with Amber, her searching blue eyes staring at me across the white tablecloth.

I would never be free of her – that’s what the dream was telling me. No tiny sliver of my life would be safe from that penetrating gaze.