‘Well, for me,’ said Amber, ‘I’ve always been a rescuer. When I was a little girl, my parents asked way too much of me, and punished me when I…’ Her eyes flashed with anger. A wave of fear washed over me, the earth unsteady. ‘… failed to meet their needs.’ The twist in her face smoothed away to nothing, and I wondered if my fragile state was making my mind play tricks. ‘It’s typical of alcoholics. So, my name might be, say, “Little Lost Rescuer”.’

‘But how does it help us?’ demanded Joanna, showing scant interest in Amber’s awful childhood. Amber was next to me, and I lightly touched the crook of her elbow to let her know that I, at least, had heard her. The move felt like a risk, so when she gave me a soft, almost imperceptible smile, I felt another wave of pride at my courage. Everything was starting to feel heightened, like the first lapping waves of MDMA. I breathed in, let myself trust it.

‘By confronting our key issue, by witnessing each other’s deepest pain, we can throw away the lies we’ve believed all our lives, and finally see ourselves – and each other – for the radiant beings we really are.’

‘It’s a Christmas miracle!’ said Marco, ever the joker.

Joanna continued to look unconvinced, narrowed eyes peering out from behind her glasses. Arthur looked calm. Calm and sure of his place in the world. I tried to inhale some of his surety from across the table.

‘I don’t know how I’d ever pick my name,’ whimpered Hannah.

‘I’ll help each of you,’ said Amber. She turned towards me, eyes fixing on my face. ‘Let’s start with Rachel. You up for that?’

Fear began to lap up again, but I refused to drown in it. She was choosing me. She was declaring me her equal, up to the task of showing this broken gang how to heal.

‘Definitely!’ I said. Could they all see it? How special our bond was? It was bad in a way, that she was making it so obvious.

‘Good girl,’ she said. She cocked her head and stared into my eyes with a loving intensity. ‘Stand here next to me.’

I got to my feet, standing opposite her. I could feel the energy between us.

‘So, Rachel, tell the group a little bit about your place in the family.’ She giggled. ‘Not this family. Your actual family.’

‘I’m the middle child. I’ve got an older brother, Josh, and a younger sister, Sophie. My mum and dad are still together.’

Amber gazed at me, almost pitying. Then she gave me an unexpected hug.

‘Rachel, darling, you sound like you’re on a French exchange. Do you want to tell us how many pets you’ve got? Any stray guinea pigs we should know about?’

Marco and Hannah tittered, and I felt myself cringe.