‘No, I pushed it,’ I said, desperate to reignite the spark that had suddenly been extinguished. ‘It was stupid of me to bring out drugs. I don’t really do them. I just went to a thirtieth and some girl from school had some—’

He stuck up a hand, waved it in the cramped cubicle. ‘Stop apologizing. I need to be honest with you.’ He was choking on his words now. ‘I’m engaged.’

‘What?’

‘I know, I know,’ he said, his hand now wedged in his thick hair, his head bowed. ‘We’ve been having problems. She’s back in New York, but she’s moving here soon and I’m…’ He looked up at me. ‘We’re really going to try to make a go of it.’

He looked so plaintive, like he wanted me to reassure him. To congratulate him, even. The shame hit full force now, almost doubling me over. I wanted to rage at him, but instead I crumpled. Of course he wasn’t single. And even if he had been, my behaviour was hardly Chapter One of The Rules. A man like him wasn’t a Tinder hook-up.

‘Oh,’ I said, my voice as tiny as the space we were crammed in to.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his hands encasing mine. ‘I’m a total arsehole, I know. It was such a blast seeing you again, and we were having so much fun.’ He smiled at me, forcing eye contact. ‘We really were, weren’t we? I mean, if my situation were different…’

We both knew that was a lie. Suddenly the drink and drugs hit hard, and I lurched backwards.

‘Let’s get you out of here,’ he said, slipping the lock and awkwardly steering me through the cubicle door. I leaned over a sink, retched. I caught a glance of myself in the gilt mirror that ran down the width of the wall. My eye make-up was smudged into inky bruises, my hair tangled into string by our grim clawing. I looked disgusting. I ran the tap, cupped my hand and slurped back some water.

‘You shouldn’t drink that,’ muttered Guy.

I rounded on him.

‘Oh, now you’re worried about my welfare?’ I snarled. ‘Now you’re not trying to pull my underwear down?’

‘I’ve said I’m sorry,’ he said, pink with embarrassment and desperation, fists clenched into tight balls. ‘Let me get you into a cab. It’s the least I can do.’

I stood up, grabbed the lip of the sink to steady myself.

‘Just fuck off. Spare me the chivalry.’

‘Rachel…’

‘Get out!’ I was screaming at him now. ‘Get away from me.’ A sob erupted out of me and I doubled over. ‘I’m so fucking stupid…’

He stepped towards me and my arms windmilled outwards, keeping him at bay.