Another fork in the road. The hubbub of voices had dropped low next door, the party starting to thin out. It was tea time by now, and people needed to hurry home for children’s bath times and evening engagements. I had no such responsibilities. Was I really going to do this? It seemed I was.

I reached into my clutch bag, pulled out my coin purse and extracted it. His face stayed immobile for what felt like forever.

‘Coke?’

I nodded.

‘Here? Really?’ A tide of embarrassment started lapping up my body, but then I saw a smile spread across his face. ‘I can’t believe you. You’re an outrage!’

‘Believe,’ I said, untangling myself from him and heading towards the loos. There were some closer to the bar, so the coast was clear. Soon we were jammed in a cubicle in the ladies, the kissing more intense now there was no danger of being seen.

‘Hang on,’ I said, dropping to the ground and shaking a dust of powder over the closed seat. The floor felt damp against my bare knees, an unpleasant tangy stench hitting my nostrils now I was out of reach of the elegant reed diffusers that were placed around the bathroom. Shame threatened to engulf me again, but I concentrated on expertly evening out the two parallel train tracks of cocaine, trying not to think of how close to the limit my trusty Mastercard, doing this holy work, actually was. I skimmed the last crumbs of powder off it, rolled up a note and looked up at Guy.

‘Ladies first,’ he said, and I honked up a line, praying for a bolt of chemical euphoria to sweep away the despair that was hovering, waiting to pounce. A few seconds later it hit, excitement and energy pulsing through my whole body. Guy’s sandy head was bent over the seat, the cocaine disappearing swiftly up his nose.

And then we were kissing in earnest, his hands roving my body, slipping inside my dress. Two fingers trapped one of my nipples, his other hand pushing its way up the exposed flesh of my thigh. Even in the throes of my high, it felt pretty grim and tawdry. I looked up at him, but his face was turned away.

‘I like you,’ I said, squeezing his fingers and looking up at him. ‘I really like you. Can we slow down a second?’

His body slackened against mine, all the energy between us instantly draining away.

‘Rachel…’

I’d got it wrong. Why did I always get it so wrong?

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that…’

‘No, no. It’s not you.’ He sank heavily onto the seat, stared up at me. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this.’