Arthur refused to look at me, his face still set with anger. I reached a tentative hand out and stroked his forearm through his jumper. It was pitiful.

‘We agreed it was private,’ he snapped. ‘I don’t like my business being discussed, let alone with her.’

There was venom in his voice that I hoped wasn’t meant for me.

‘I know,’ I said. ‘It was stupid and disrespectful of me. I’m really sorry.’

Arthur finally turned to look at me, his expression black.

‘I’m not sure we should carry on. I mean I really like you, Rachel, but… it’s not like either of us are in the space for a relationship right now.’

I interrupted him.

‘That’s not true! I know Amber thinks I’m too vulnerable, but – it’s really helped me get stronger, beginning to date again. You’re so different from the kind of men I was with before I started healing…’

Arthur had a strange smile on his face.

‘What?’ I said, unnerved.

He waved a hand. ‘I shouldn’t. It’s not for me to… The therapeutic relationship has to be sacrosanct.’

‘Arthur?’

He gave me a long look, his anger eventually getting the better of him. ‘I just don’t think her motives are quite as pure as she’s making out.’

‘Please stop talking in code!’

‘It’s totally inappropriate for me to tell you this, but…’

‘What are you saying?’

He paused.

‘She was my girlfriend at college. She was at the poly, couple of years below me. We lived together for a year or two. I mean, it’s aeons ago now, but… I know what she’s like. She can’t bear to feel like she’s lost a battle, even if she hasn’t.’

I could barely form a sentence.

‘Amber was your girlfriend?’ I could almost feel him inside me now, the sense memory of it. It was enough to make me retch. ‘Amber? But – isn’t she way younger than you?’

Arthur snorted. ‘I’d say she’s no stranger to a needle. What is she now – early fifties?’

I sat there trying to absorb what he’d said, my world spinning another revolution. I pushed my chair backwards, the wooden legs screeching loudly against the pub floor.

‘You should’ve told me,’ I said, standing up. ‘Both of you should’ve told me!’

‘It was years ago,’ protested Arthur. ‘Come on, Rachel, calm down.’

‘No!’ I said. ‘It’s gross. I would never have done that if I’d known…’

Darkness descended on Arthur again. ‘You were hardly fighting me off,’ he spat.

‘Fuck you,’ I said, pulling on my coat. He reached for me, but I shook him off.

‘Rachel, I’m really sorry if you feel like I deceived you,’ he said.

‘I don’t feel like it – you did deceive me.’