I felt my face flush with humiliation.

‘Julia, trust me, I’m fine,’ I said, sharp. ‘I don’t need anything from you.’

‘Fine,’ she said, equally sharp. ‘I was just trying to be a human being.’

‘Julia…’

I turned, but the door was already slamming behind her. Why had I been so unnecessarily rude to her? It was shame, pure and simple, but there was no way I could humiliate myself by telling her that. Now all I could do was hope she didn’t revenge herself by dripping poison to Duncan.

I pulled off my usual trick, staying an hour past home time to try to convince Duncan that I was a reformed character. Julia had barely looked at me for the rest of the day, rejecting every conciliatory cup of tea I tried to make her and leaving without so much as a goodbye. Eventually I gathered up my things, already bargaining with myself about wine. Red was less toxic than white, I told myself, and if I bought a bottle, I’d only drink half of it before I stuck the cork back in the neck and went to bed. It was fine – I needed something to sip with a Netflix binge. Something that would ultimately help me sleep.

Arthur rang me as I was almost at the tube. Ironically it was the first call he’d ever made to me: up to that point, it had all been game playing, non-committal texts. I snatched up the call before I could think too hard about how angry the contact would make Amber.

‘What the fuck, Rachel?’

‘Hi,’ I said, my voice shaking. In that moment, all I wanted was comfort. Any kind of comfort. Even this counted.

‘I thought we agreed we weren’t going to talk about it?’ he said. ‘And now you’re making out to Amber I’m some sort of fucking abuser?’

‘I didn’t say that to her, and I swear to you I didn’t tell her. She guessed.’

Arthur snorted with frustration.

‘Arthur, can we talk about it properly? I can come and find you now.’ It makes me shudder, remembering how low my desperation took me. ‘Please!’

‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea,’ he said, sounding incredibly pompous. ‘I don’t really like the version of me that’s been painted.’

‘That’s exactly why I need to talk to you. Face to face.’

With the dating history I’d had, I knew enough to know that a man like Arthur was far too opportunistic to resist a woman offering herself up to him on a plate.

Soon I was back in his local, a large glass of red in my hand that I’d paid for, a stream of apologies pouring forth.

‘I’m sorry, okay? All I did was tell Hannah, and that was only because… I was excited.’