‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his voice flat and sober. It made me realize how often it was layered, one meaning blanketing another, my ears perfectly attuned to the duality.

‘For which part?’ I said. I sounded brittle. I was brittle: I could snap in two, or I could do damage.

He gave a hoarse laugh and shrugged.

‘Take your pick, Lily.’

I looked out towards the grand black iron gates that ringed the park, the tall, strong trees that lay beyond them. The houses that lined this street, that overlooked this view, were so imposing. It was odd, sometimes, up-selling something to goggle-eyed Americans that I could never afford myself. If they balked at the price, I knew exactly how to subtly make them feel cheap, how to send them scuttling for their self-worth via an eye-watering deposit. I always buried the discomfort, the way it took me back to a time I’d worked so hard to leave behind, when it was my own nose pressed up against the glass. Staying quiet in the changing rooms while other girls casually described unimaginable luxuries – a microwave, a Biba skirt.

‘I’ve always known who you are,’ I said, my eyes staying trained on the trees. ‘And vice versa, don’t you think?’

‘What do you mean?’

I looked back at him, weighing up how truthful to be. He’d never been as bright as me – it had been lonely and reassuring, all at once. I’d never wanted to be my mother, trapped with my father, no agency. At least in a sense I’d chosen this.

‘We both knew what we wanted,’ I said.

Nick’s eyes narrowed. ‘I’m not sure how to take that.’

‘I think we’ve been a good team,’ I said. My eyes raked over him, taking in the way the bulge of his belly was pressing against his white work shirt. He needed to go up a size. Perhaps I’d just switch them out in his wardrobe without his knowledge. ‘Filled in for each other’s weaknesses.’

Nick looked slightly helpless.

‘It’s not just been about money, though, or lifestyle?’ he said. ‘We love our kids. We’ve been good parents.’

His voice was a pleading whine, a cry for my reassurance. I could tell he was as baffled by how we’d got here as I was, a couple of would-be criminals in a flash car. Every time I remembered where it was we’d just come from, I wanted to disappear, to evaporate.

‘Of course we have,’ I said firmly. ‘And Rachel will come back to us – she can’t survive without her family, whatever she’s believing right now. I will not let that bitch win this, Nick.’

‘I know you won’t,’ he said, putting his hand over mine, his scratched wedding ring chafing my skin. ‘You brought her into our lives; you can get her out.’