Amber continued with quiet intensity. ‘And she won’t even let you have peace. She’s never let you rest, has she? She’s always been too busy trying to mould you into the doll she ordered.’

I doubled over with sobs, my chest landing on my knees.

‘I’m so exhausted. I’m so fucking tired.’ A night of Arthur mauling me probably hadn’t helped, but I wasn’t going to admit to that.

‘I hear you, darling girl,’ said Amber softly. ‘There have been lifetimes of this. We know that now.’

That image of Mum – from long, long ago – swooped upwards and enveloped me, like a bat’s wings wrapping themselves around my face. My breath was ragged in my throat.

‘Stay in the room, Rachel. Take a sip of water,’ commanded Amber. ‘Feel your feet on the floor. I know it’s taking everything you’ve got right now, but all of this…’ – she paused, eyes full of feeling – ‘… I promise you it’s the darkness before the dawn.’

‘Sophie!’ I wailed, paranoid thoughts assailing me in random configurations. ‘What’s Mum said to her? I thought she’d believe me. I’ve protected her for so long – I never thought she’d think I was lying when I finally told the truth.’

Amber was the calm within the storm that I was kicking up.

‘Your mother is a very powerful woman. Not everyone in your family’s as strong and far-sighted as you. You’ve changed; they haven’t. And that’s lonely.’

‘But she must see how weird it is that Esther’s just appeared again. It is weird. Fucking slipping around in our lives, all sickly sweet. She’s revolting. There’s something about it that—’

Amber abruptly shook her head, cutting across me.

‘Don’t think about that now, Rachel. Besides, that girl deserves your pity.’

‘She can look after herself,’ I spat.

Amber’s eyes flashed with unexpected anger. ‘You’re going down rabbit holes – trying to control things you can’t control, when you should be using that energy for your healing. For protecting yourself.’

‘But what if I have to stop coming?’ I said, my distress a rising tide. ‘You’re the one who’s taught me to protect myself. It sounds fucking stupid, but I don’t know if I’ll survive.’ I was sobbing even harder now. ‘Jesus – what’s wrong with me?’

I’d shredded the damp tissue I was clinging onto, the remnants drifting down like a snowstorm onto the green velvet.