Arthur looked visibly worried – maybe he did care about me, about my welfare. He paused, running one of his strong hands through the rumpled mess of his salt-and-pepper hair. I sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

‘Rachel… I don’t know about you, but I’m loving this.’

I could feel myself blushing, excitement coursing through my body at this handbrake turn. My whole consciousness was a trick mirror in those days, the warped reflections I saw so much more bearable than a clear image.

‘Yeah, no. Me too,’ I said. ‘Last night was really fun.’

‘I just want to protect it for now. Don’t you? The two of us watering it, and letting it flower.’

The words landed like a dead weight, but I pushed the feeling off.

‘Absolutely,’ I said brightly. ‘It’s just ours, isn’t it? That’s what makes it special.’

Arthur grinned, visibly relaxing. I’d made myself unhappy to make him happy, which in a twisted way made me happy.

‘Exactly!’ he agreed. ‘Just ours for now. I’ll make you some toast. I’m guessing you’re far too sophisticated for marmalade?’

‘I’m not Paddington!’ I shouted after his retreating back.

Arthur Montague – the consummate host.

The shape-shifting unhappiness came back as soon as I saw Amber, but there was enough other trouble going on to ensure that she didn’t identify the source. My tears soaked into the worn-out velvet of her sofa – I stroked its damp, piebald surface, the feel of it as familiar and comforting to me by now as a toddler’s favourite soft toy. I couldn’t bear the idea that Mum had sat on it, invading my sacred space. Now I couldn’t help but see this room through her narrowed eyes, the ugliness she’d have found where to me there was only beauty.

‘Why did you let her in?’ I demanded. ‘And why didn’t you tell me?’

Amber tucked a handful of dark hair behind her ear, revealing the gorgeous little track of silver studs that brought out the intense blue of her eyes.

‘Look at you, Rachel. Look at what even the thought of her does to you.’

‘I’m okay,’ I said, my voice muffled by snotty distress.

Amber’s smile was kindly disbelieving. ‘It’s my job to protect you, to let you feel safe so you can heal. The last thing you needed was knowing that your parents were trying to destroy that.’

A moan of fury erupted out of me, the sound almost a surprise. The truth was, I didn’t feel entirely in control anymore.

‘Fuck them. Fuck them! All that shit they talked about wanting me to get better – it was only for them. I can’t heal without telling the truth. And she’ll never let me have that because it doesn’t fit with her fucking narrative. And now she’s taken Sophie away from me, too.’