My life seems to flash before me. After losing my sister, I felt I had to step up to help fill the hole she left in our family. Mum leaned heavily on me, while Dad simply shut himself off for a while. But I kept a close eye on him whenever I felt his courage waning. It was a time when Owen and Hannah really began to look to me, to save worrying our parents. It’s a role I never handed back, until now.

As for Aiden, well, temptation comes in all forms and while I wasn’t unfaithful, I knew it was too dangerous to stay. When you find yourself caring enough to want to save someone from themselves, there is a connection – even if you don’t want to admit it.

‘So, where does this leave us?’ I ask, and Aiden looks away, shrugging his shoulders.

April 2020

33

Facing Up to the Truth

‘How are you feeling? Sad? Angry?’ Hannah’s voice is low as the baby is in bed asleep.

‘I’m fine, really.’ It’s not a platitude, because when something ends amicably, it’s more of a relief. Like working your notice in a job and it’s the last day; you are finally moving on. There’s a little tinge of sadness for what has gone, the friendships and the memories you are leaving behind, but you know that the time has come to say goodbye.

Divorce is no different. When the passion has gone, the period spent unpicking your life together is like tipping water out of a bottle. Once it was full and as it gradually empties, it becomes just a hollow vessel.

‘I’m sorry, sis. I know how hard you both tried and Aiden didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wish he hadn’t gone off like that. He owed you a proper explanation after messing you about.’

I know that it’s been hard for them all as Aiden was a part of this family for such a long time. How can you not miss someone you thought would always be there? For Mum and Dad he was like a son, to Hannah and Owen he was a brother.

‘Sometimes the things that people choose not to discuss, or share, aren’t important. And sometimes they are, but they don’t need to be said out loud because it won’t change anything. Aiden and I both knew that within a short time of being back together. I hope he is with Joss, but a part of me also doesn’t want to know for sure. Silly, isn’t it? You accept that you don’t want someone any more and yet it hurts to think of them with someone else. Above all, I do want him to be happy.’