‘I can’t stay, Nico… it’s—’ I falter as my voice trembles. ‘My future isn’t here, and I think we both know that. The Marquesa is in love with you, but she senses that you’ve been holding back, misunderstanding the reason for that because you won’t tell her the truth. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: that’s not fair and it’s not right.’

His face is ashen and his look pained as his eyes search mine. We’re standing several feet apart now, but the pull between us is still electric. Two paces and this time I might not be able to walk out that door. I can see by the look in his eyes that he’s fighting the same battle.

‘You are my muse, Fern. Your presence changes everything for me and that goes way beyond love. With you here, my brush flies across the canvas, because you make my spirits soar.’

A solitary tear trickles down my cheek and I swipe at it with my sleeve as Nico watches, unable to move. The one thing I have to remind myself is that, without him I doubt I would have had the resolve to take myself seriously as a painter; let alone think of myself as an artist. Whether that makes him my mentor, or my inspiration, I don’t know, but this man touches my soul.

‘It’s not enough, Nico. I’m not some sort of angel, I’m just a woman with flaws and anxieties.’

‘And a big heart.’

I shake my head, sadly, as I look away. That haunted look of desperation on his face is too much to bear.

‘A heart that belongs to someone else,’ he acknowledges. The words hang heavily in the silence between us before I walk away for the last time.

32

A New Dawn, A New Beginning

Turning the key in the door, I bend to lift my suitcases and step inside. Instantly, the familiar seems to wrap itself around me like an old blanket. Comforting. Reassuring.

Finally, I’m home. Nearly eight weeks early, but at least it will give me time to readjust. After my journey of self-discovery, I need to emotionally detach myself from a world in which I was merely a visitor passing through. Now it’s time to begin embracing the things I want to take forward and be grateful for this new lease of life it seems to have given me. I feel more alive than I have done in a long time. But there’s a lot to process and it’s a relief to know I don’t need to rush myself.