‘Unfair?’ He turns, shaking his head as he walks towards the door. ‘You can’t even begin to understand the meaning of that word, Fern, trust me.’

30

Words, Water and Wisdom

Guilt. Five little innocuous letters that when strung together can destroy hopes, dreams, relationships and, ultimately, lives. Nico is feeling guilty for not facing up to his demons. I’m feeling guilty because he matters to me. But then, so does everyone here.

Does guilt serve a higher purpose? I wonder. Is it designed to make us stop and think before we cross an imaginary line? A sort of inner alarm system that some people choose to tune out, while others are stopped in their tracks?

It might be paranoia, but everyone around me seems to be battling with it at the moment. Kellie is making commitments to tie her future to Taylor and France for a long time to come, by the look of it. But as each day passes, she keeps putting off making that call home.

And my family – well, this week the contact has been noticeably absent, yet again. I can’t even begin to grapple with what’s going on with them all at the moment. Of course, when they ring everything is wonderful, which it never is, and that’s what is making me suspicious.

People think they are sparing you the angst, but now they’re avoiding me and that’s worrying.

I can’t seem to let it go and it’s time to reach out to Georgia.

‘Hey, neighbour, remember me?’

She shouts down the phone in excitement, ‘Fern! How are you?’

I yank it back away from my ear, pressing speakerphone.

‘Sorry I haven’t been in touch. Steve’s had shingles and what a pain he’s been.’

I can’t stop myself from smiling. Georgia isn’t big on sympathy.

‘Ouch, I hear that’s painful.’

‘Yes,’ she replies, forcefully. ‘Poor me, it’s been an absolute nightmare. It’s lovely to hear your voice, though. You have no idea how much you’ve been missed.’ The way she says it sounds meaningful. Worryingly meaningful.

‘I’m missing everyone, too. I thought I’d call and find out if things are really ticking over well at that end? You know what it’s like, everyone is busy. If it isn’t battling with a poor signal, it’s a timing thing. I’m missing out on so much. Is the house still standing?’ I laugh, good-naturedly.

She hesitates for a second or two and when she does begin talking, her voice is unnaturally bright.

‘Of course, everything is fine. You’re worrying about nothing. We all think we’re indispensable, but they manage without us, don’t they? I mean, when they have to.’

Now, that’s odd. ‘I suppose so, but I’d rather know if something had gone wrong.’