My heart thuds in my chest as a sadness washes over me. Sadness for Nico, and sadness for me being unable to answer his question. What if he’s right? Haven’t those exact words passed through my mind on several occasions? I keep pushing it away, because I have another life and people are expecting me to return to it. I’m not here because of divine intervention. None of this was supposed to happen and it would be so very wrong of me to take it as a sign or regard my time here as meaningful; or worse, life-changing. I’ve seen the results when people make silly mistakes and live to regret them.

‘I’m tired,’ I admit. ‘Too tired to think.’

‘I’ll walk you back across the courtyard when you’re ready. Life without you here is going to feel… lacking in some way. Different. And, rather empty, I’m afraid. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, Fern, but for me it will be a day I will never forget, when I am forced to watch you drive away.’

Neither of us make any attempt to get up; we both roll over onto our backs and continue gazing upwards, contemplating what lies beyond what we can see with the naked eye. When eventually our bodies begin to ache, we head downstairs in a companionable silence.

We’re both in a sombre mood and yet, in less than twelve hours we have a special visitor coming and everyone is looking forward to it. Patricia is a very reserved and quiet lady, but she managed to get to know each and every one of us during her stay here.

Let’s hope that after a few hours’ sleep both Nico and I feel more festive. There’s no point dwelling over things we are powerless to change and maybe it’s time to accept that fate already has a plan.

25

The Unexpected Christmas Present

Margot is like a sergeant major, directing us all as we trim up the day room ready to complement her festive French buffet. The guys have been out gathering greenery and Pierce volunteered to help Bastien cut down a fir tree.

‘Um… it’s a little lopsided,’ I inform them, as they stand holding it upright in front of me. ‘But it will look absolutely perfect if you can turn it a little bit that way,’ I direct, pointing to my right and hoping the sparse section will be hidden in the corner once they ease it back into position. ‘Yep. You’ve nailed it, well done.’

They both look rather pleased with themselves, their faces still red from the exertion and the sting of the bitingly cold wind.