The air is filled with a chorus of noise and air punching. It’s been a long journey and I’ve only been a very small part of it, but I’m delighted for this wonderful group of people.

As chairs are pushed back and the music begins to play, Nico heads over to me looking bashful.

‘No pressure for me to stay, then?’ I quip, mockingly.

‘Sorry. I knew the timing wasn’t right for you, but you are one of the team and you’ve contributed since your first day here. It’s a fact. We might have to pay you a fee as a consultant, but our accountant will sort all that and go through it with you. You feel so much a part of this, it’s going to hurt when you leave. You’re irreplaceable, Fern.’

I smile up into his eyes. ‘Somewhere out there is someone searching for something they haven’t yet found, and they will find their way here – to you. I’m sure of that. I don’t need paying, Nico. This year off was funded courtesy of a lottery win.’

‘I don’t make the rules now, Fern. All of that is handled by our very capable management team. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders and it feels good. Change can be positive and sometimes you simply need to roll with it.’

He knows I can’t do that. But tonight it’s about celebrating together and as he grabs my hand and pulls me into the crowded space, we’re celebrating big style.

This has become my second home, I reflect, unable to deny it. But it can never be my first home and that’s something Nico must accept.

24

The Past Will Always Be a Part of the Present

The last two weeks have flown by and tonight, although both Nico and I came to the studio to work, neither of us is in the mood to paint. And that’s something we seem unable to hide.

There’s only so long you can mix colours and prevaricate, instinctively knowing that if the brush touches the canvas when you’re not inspired, you will regret every single brushstroke, and hate yourself for it. I know Nico’s been watching me out of the corner of his eye for a while and that tells me exactly how distracted he is, too.

The changes that have been going on here are positive, if a little unsettling in some respects. How ironic that I came here to escape the changes going on in my own life, only to be reminded that it’s one of life’s givens. Nothing stays the same way forever.

‘What is it?’ Nico calls out as he begins to clean up. It’s only just after eleven p.m. which is early to call it quits for the night. ‘Your mood is affecting me.’