‘I’ve found interests I couldn’t possibly have guessed at, including meditation. We are people in our own right, it’s simply a case of letting that shine through. When we’re back home together, I want us to be in a position where we can help each other to continue growing and be happy. Not just be people who say they’re happy without it really meaning anything. We know a lot of couples like that and it’s not living life to the full, is it?’

He snorts. ‘No regrets and no what ifs.’

‘And that’s what you said at the very beginning, Aiden, remember?’

‘Yes, well. That was then, and this is now.’

‘Something has upset you and you’re rubbish at hiding things, Aiden, you know that. We can talk it through.’

I wish I could give him the hug he obviously needs.

There’s a long pause but something tells me not to break it, just to give him a little time to collect his thoughts.

‘There was a gang fight and the eldest son of the family whose home I’ve been working in was knifed. He died before they could get any medical help. He was eleven years old, Fern. It made me realise how we take each day for granted. We wake up in the morning facing a new day, but what if it’s destined to be the last one? An accident, a heart attack – whatever. One thing keeps going through my mind – what have I done?’

Anxiety? I’m the worrier, not Aiden. He’s always been a man of action, rolling up his sleeves to get things moving and to do that requires a positive attitude.

‘You need to talk to someone about that, Aiden. I’m serious. After an incident like that you need debriefing. Helping people in that situation was bound to take a toll and if you get pulled down, you won’t be able to function and you will make poor decisions. That doesn’t help anyone, and it could harm you.’

He emits a huge sigh that pulls on my heartstrings. ‘You’re right. I’m getting bogged down and I’m not thinking clearly. I’ll chat to Alistair; he handles staff welfare. I’m glad we talked. Sorry I’ve been so uptight. You don’t deserve that, and I didn’t mean to stress you out.’

It’s a pattern that’s become the norm. At the beginning of every call, I feel I no longer recognise the man I’ve loved forever, as if he’s gone. By the time we’re ready to say goodbye, he’s back with me again, but it’s fleeting. Each time we talk it takes a little longer to re-establish that link and I’m fearful.