‘Helloooo,’ she sang into the phone. At least she was in a good space. I couldn’t answer. It felt like my head would explode. ‘Ashray?’ She was going to hang up thinking I had accidentally dialled her, but I couldn’t speak. ‘Unlock your door. I’m coming. Do you hear me, Ashray? Don’t disconnect. Just breathe. I’m coming.’ I pressed a key, hoping she would understand that this was an acknowledgement, a thank you from someone whose emotions had rendered him mute. To this day, I do not know how she got to me as quickly as she did, or why I had instinctively left my front door unlocked. It could have been a subconscious cry for company on the second-worst day of my life, but when she came running down the passage, I knew I would be okay.

‘Ashray, look at me.’ I fought my breathing, staring at the envelope in my hand. ‘Ashray!’ I looked up. ‘Five things,’ she continued. I nodded my head. ‘Five things you see.’ I began listing the things I could see, working through the process, By the time I reached the scent of the incense, I was telling her about how Maa and I would argue about which smelled better. She dabbed the sweat from my brow with the corner of her white sweater, sharing in my memories. Finally, when it was clear that the attack had passed, she said, ‘Do you feel like some tea? Shall I make us some?’

‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘but I want to sit here a little longer, if you don’t mind?’ She smiled at me, leaving me on the floor of the spare bedroom to go through my Maa’s boxes. She returned with two mugs of tea. The sweet brew helping to calm what was left of my panic attack. I looked around the room at the three open boxes in front of me.

‘Is this all there is, Jhanvi?’ She looked at me, confused. ‘Is this the sum total of our existence on earth? Three boxes?’ Her confusion gave way to sadness. She took my hand and lead me to the bathroom that had never been used. Switching the lights on, the grey marble room came to life. She guided me to the mirror, but I looked down, not wanting to see the state I was in. Scared that seeing the effect that my panic attacks had on me would convince me that I was a mad man.