BooksBarbecue
Back Side by Side
Chapters (50)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Half Title Page
  3. SIDE by SIDE
  4. Dedication Page
  5. Epigraph
  6. Part I: Fall
  7. 1.
  8. 2.
  9. 3.
  10. 4.
  11. 5.
  12. Part II: Crawl
  13. 6.
  14. 7.
  15. 8.
  16. 9.
  17. 10.
  18. 11.
  19. 12.
  20. 13.
  21. 14.
  22. 15.
  23. 16.
  24. 17.
  25. 18.
  26. 19.
  27. 20.
  28. 21.
  29. 22.
  30. 23.
  31. 24.
  32. 25.
  33. 26.
  34. 27.
  35. 28.
  36. 29.
  37. 30.
  38. 31.
  39. Part III: Rise
  40. 32.
  41. 33.
  42. 34.
  43. 35.
  44. 36.
  45. 37.
  46. 38.
  47. 39.
  48. 40.
  49. Acknowledgements
  50. About the Author

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s all his fault. This mess we’re in. The fact that you’re depressed and can’t work. That we’ve drifted apart. That your parents have split up. That you’re fighting with my family. It’s all his fault.”

For several shallow breaths, she only glares at him.

“That isn’t fair,” she says, attempting to steady her voice. “You can’t blame him for being ill. And you can’t use him as a scapegoat, either. He didn’t force your mouth shut all these months. He didn’t make your family shun him. He didn’t make you do nothing about it. He didn’t make you say that you hated being a part of my family when we needed you the most. All of that, you did on your own.”

“He’s your golden boy,” he snorts. “I can’t do anything right compared to him.”

“That isn’t true and you know it.”

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want to talk to you about what’s happened. I want to go through this with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“No, you don’t. You want to pummel me.”

“I don’t, really. I don’t even have the energy anymore.” She pauses. “My brother died, Nirav, and I needed you. I needed to talk to you about it. I needed your support. But instead you treated Sunil like he didn’t exist. And when things went wrong with your family, you acted like that didn’t happen either. It breaks my heart that you expected me to pretend, too.”

“Here we go. See? All my fault.”

“No, it’s my fault. People treat me like shit because I let them. I should’ve spoken up ages ago, but I didn’t. I’ve had this incredible secret pressing against me for months. I’ve been such a stranger to myself—such a mess—that I thought I’d done something to deserve it. I thought, keep your mouth shut, Kavita. You brought this on yourself, so deal with it. No one wants a mess, so shut up and take it. But it’s gnawed away at me. At us. And I can’t live like this anymore.”

“I thought that was behind us.”

“And I’ve been waiting for it to come to the surface.”

They sit in silence, briefly.

“Listen,” he says. “What happened wasn’t right, all right?”

“No, it’s not all right. You still don’t understand how shaming it was for me, back then and even now. Can you imagine what that must’ve been like for me? Have you?”

He doesn’t answer.