BooksBarbecue
Back Side by Side Save as PDF
Chapters (50)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Half Title Page
  3. SIDE by SIDE
  4. Dedication Page
  5. Epigraph
  6. Part I: Fall
  7. 1.
  8. 2.
  9. 3.
  10. 4.
  11. 5.
  12. Part II: Crawl
  13. 6.
  14. 7.
  15. 8.
  16. 9.
  17. 10.
  18. 11.
  19. 12.
  20. 13.
  21. 14.
  22. 15.
  23. 16.
  24. 17.
  25. 18.
  26. 19.
  27. 20.
  28. 21.
  29. 22.
  30. 23.
  31. 24.
  32. 25.
  33. 26.
  34. 27.
  35. 28.
  36. 29.
  37. 30.
  38. 31.
  39. Part III: Rise
  40. 32.
  41. 33.
  42. 34.
  43. 35.
  44. 36.
  45. 37.
  46. 38.
  47. 39.
  48. 40.
  49. Acknowledgements
  50. About the Author

She blinks at the darkness and listens to the mute sound of late autumn, which is nothing more than the lifeless breath of a cold wind. Through the thin walls of their bedroom, she hears the muffled voices of the couple next door. A spirited laugh pops and fizzles. She envies her neighbour’s pillow talk.

Soon, Nirav’s breathing is deep and steady, as he navigates in dreams a plane of consciousness away from her. She pushes aside the comforter, climbs out of bed, and pads to the doorway, where she pauses to look over her shoulder, and admire his tranquil body.

She knows she has disappointed him tonight. That what she has given isn’t enough. But it is all she has, and she has given it to him. Does he realize this? Did he taste it in the simple pasta dinner or see it in her false cheer or feel it as she reluctantly gave in to his embrace?

Can he tell that she is trying, by coming home early? Taking the blame a moment ago? And the things she does for him discreetly, like covering her scar with Band-Aids or remaining silent about her guests, to keep him from worry. All of this enduring, for him.

Does he notice any of these small sufferings of love? And if so, are they enough to make him stop and wonder what it costs her to carry on?

12.

Around three a.m., shortly after Kavita falls asleep in front of her laptop, the telephone rings, jolting her out of wavering sleep. The warning beacon in her gut blares, blares, blares. Danger is imminent. Her thoughts shoot to her parents as she hums with dread, vibrations high and quick in her chest. What’s happened? No one calls with good news before sunrise.

Nirav answers. “Dad? What’s the matter? It’s the middle of the night.”

Kavita rises from the couch and approaches the island. Nirav’s expression, moment by moment, shifts from drowsy to alert, in the widening of eyes, the arching of eyebrows. On impulse, she holds one hand over her mouth to stop the scream that is slowly creeping up her throat.

“Oh God,” he says.

What? she mouths at him.

He covers the receiver with one hand. “Nani passed away earlier this morning.” Then he goes back to the call.

She silently gasps, Oh no, and holds her elbows and listens in on the call but can’t make sense of the partial conversation she overhears. I knew it, she thinks to the hoof of the warning beacon. I felt it in my gut. I knew something bad was going to happen, and it has.