“Well, regardless, Hongbo’s out. Andrew’s your last hope.” And I stopped there, not able to say the other words that had popped into my head—words my mother had said to me three months ago after I’d told her I didn’t want Hongbo, words I hadn’t been able to tell Drew this morning. You won’t be able to find someone else. Who will want you, with your flat chest, plain face, and worrying personality? She’d certainly proved today just how deep this fear extended, so why not use it against her even if it did strike me through the heart?

Her face registered first surprise, then horror as she realized I was right. And then, slowly, the horror morphed into panic. So much panic.

I tried to ignore that her stricken face only emphasized how unlovable she truly believed me to be. Pushing aside the pain, I drove the nail in as deep as it could go. “And Andrew is everything you’ve ever wanted: he comes from a great family, he has so many opportunities ahead of him, and he’s incredibly kind—even you must see that. He’s the first person to like me for me,” I said, that last sentence completely true and warming my insides. And even though she didn’t care about the following things, I kept going, mostly for me. “He’s thoughtful, and creative, and so intelligent—more perceptive than anyone I’ve ever met.” Then my final blow. “Maybe you ruined it with him by continually trying to kick him out the door since he arrived.”

She shook her head. “No. No, no, no, no,” she repeated in time with her head shakes. “I can’t have ruined it.”

“Well, then, you’ll drop Hongbo for good?” She nodded, so I took it and ran, hoping to cover my bases for when Andrew wouldn’t be coming around in the future. “And you’ll be nice to him, never making him give up another holiday with his family because you’re still evaluating him? In fact, he’s so upset about this he may not visit for a while.”

My mother kept nodding her head. “Yes, yes, whatever it takes.”

And even though it had gone my way and she had agreed to things I hadn’t even dared dream, my heart sank into my pelvic floor. Because the bottom line of all this was: my mother didn’t think anyone else could want me, and her only goal in life was to marry me off to the shiniest bidder.

“I’m still angry at you for what you did,” she said.

Right back at you. But unlike her, I didn’t express my feelings aloud.

And then, worse, she said, “But I’m so glad you’re not pregnant, Jing-Jing. And I’m even more glad that, in all the lies, Andrew is real.”