“Me either. That’s why this all happened.”

He said nothing. But he didn’t have to. I knew this was my fault.

A sinking feeling came over me—shame, guilt, and so much dread.

He took a step away. “I can’t be your real boyfriend and still have to pull Andrew out at a moment’s notice. If I didn’t care about you as much as I do, I might be okay hiding in the shadows. But I want to be with you, actually be with you.” He looked at me, his eyes searching my face for a reaction. “I’m just—Chloe, I’m so into you that I don’t know how to be Andrew for you anymore. I can only give you Drew, and maybe that’s not enough.…” He trailed off.

My heart constricted. What was I supposed to do with that? “Drew—” I started.

“Chloe, you’re asking me to lie too,” he interrupted. “I can play someone else to pay the rent, but I gave up my relationship with my parents so I could be myself with the people I care about.”

“You’re right,” I realized. When he had a choice, he fought. Sacrificed everything to stay true to himself. Then I came along and dragged him so far into my mess neither of us could see the sun anymore.

He sighed. “I get it. Really. Your parents aren’t going to approve of me for the same reason my parents cut me out.” After a heavy beat, he said, “It’s true that I don’t fit in your world. I don’t have any degree, let alone from Harvard or Stanford or whatever. Just fake ones, backed up by a closet full of logoed shirts.”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I didn’t say I was ashamed, but clearly you think I should be.”

“I…” The defensive words that had been on the tip of my tongue dissolved. “I’m sorry. I’m being all kinds of shitty. I’m sorry,” I said again. “Really. I—I don’t even know what to—I just want—” I took a breath. “You deserve better than me. Better than what I’m giving you.” I hated myself for hurting him.

The hourglass was on the last few grains of sand, our borrowed time running out and the universe coming to collect.

“I think we should walk away before it gets even harder,” I said. “Before I hurt you more.” The words were so painful I almost choked on them, but the realization that I should’ve done this sooner, before I hurt him at all, forced them out.

He looked away from me, away from the club, and into the dark, engulfing night. “Maybe that’s for the best.”