She tilted her head and peered at me. “You think Hongbo could get enough training to make him even a smidge like you?” I laughed. “You’re a great operative because of how empathetic you are, naturally, and because you’re so damn quick. Your brain is constantly working faster than others, and you notice things and process them and sort through so much data”—she had no idea just how much data—“before others have even blinked.”

I didn’t know how to tell her what her words meant to me.

“And before you say they taught you those skills,” she continued, “you can’t train something like that. Drew… you’re so damn smart.” Her eyes bored into mine, willing me to see what she saw.

“I dropped out of college,” I told her, finally revealing the weight that was perpetually dragging me down. Even though my application was printed out and waiting for her on the other side of the roof, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. And this was better, it coming directly from me, out loud, even though saying the words hurt like a fresh wound.

“Really?” Her expression wasn’t my worst nightmare, but it wasn’t comforting, either. She looked… shocked but not shocked. And confused.

Fuck.

“Does it matter?” I asked, more harshly than I meant (or maybe not—maybe I meant it).

“No! I mean, yes! I mean…” She trailed off.

I waited with a semblance of patience (somehow), while my insides twisted and maybe even died a little.

“Sorry,” she said. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

This was a Huge Fucking Deal in my own head, but she wasn’t supposed to think so too. She was supposed to assure me it didn’t matter. That society got it wrong, not me. That she despised how her parents and community equated education with human worth.

She wasn’t supposed to be choosing her words carefully and needing extra time to process the information like I’d just told her I hated puppies.

Chloe

I had kind of assumed he was in school for art and doing Rent for Your ’Rents on the side to support himself, especially with his parents out of the picture. But I had also been acutely aware that he hadn’t offered that information readily, and what that implied.

I felt shock. Confusion. And so much shame.

Because it did surprise me. It caught me off guard and I didn’t know how to react. My whole life, I had run from my community’s ideals, but apparently I hadn’t run fast enough and they had already sunk their toxic claws into me.

I took a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just surprised because I meant it—you’re so smart.”