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Back Perfect Ten Save as PDF
Chapters (45)
  1. Chapter One
  2. Chapter Two
  3. Chapter Three
  4. Chapter Four
  5. Chapter Five
  6. Chapter Six
  7. Chapter Seven
  8. Chapter Eight
  9. Chapter Nine
  10. Chapter Ten
  11. Chapter Eleven
  12. Chapter Twelve
  13. Chapter Thirteen
  14. Chapter Fourteen
  15. Chapter Fifteen
  16. Chapter Sixteen
  17. Chapter Seventeen
  18. Chapter Eighteen
  19. Chapter Nineteen
  20. Chapter Twenty
  21. Chapter Twenty-one
  22. Chapter Twenty-two
  23. Chapter Twenty-three
  24. Chapter Twenty-four
  25. Chapter Twenty-five
  26. Chapter Twenty-six
  27. Chapter Twenty-seven
  28. Chapter Twenty-eight
  29. Chapter Twenty-nine
  30. Chapter Thirty
  31. Chapter Thirty-one
  32. Chapter Thirty-two
  33. Chapter Thirty-three
  34. Chapter Thirty-four
  35. Chapter Thirty-five
  36. Chapter Thirty-six
  37. Chapter Thirty-seven
  38. Chapter Thirty-eight
  39. Chapter Thirty-nine
  40. Chapter Forty
  41. Chapter Forty-one
  42. Chapter Forty-two
  43. Chapter Forty-three
  44. Chapter Forty-four
  45. Acknowledgements

As I drive towards town I can’t help but think about Lee and my house and it gradually emptying into the big van. I don’t even know what’s in those boxes. I don’t know what I ordered from Amazon when I was pissed. I feel a little bit ashamed – of that and of all the men I slept with and robbed. The in-between has a lot to answer for. But Jack made me go there. It was the only place that I could retreat to. Bad things happened there, but in one way I was safe. It was somewhere that I didn’t have to think about what he did to me, or why.

That’s the big question, isn’t it? Why? Why requires a deeper analysis of his reasons. He wasn’t happy. He hadn’t found the right woman. He wanted to keep his kids. They aren’t reasons. He could have asked me for a divorce. I would have been angry to start with, but in the end I would have agreed. The kids wouldn’t have been damaged and he could still have gone on his fucking quest to find ‘the one’.

It’s pathetic, but I have to acquiesce. It grates against my soul and makes me wonder why even more. I’m doing it for my children. I have to agree to Jack and fucking Emma bringing them up jointly with me. I could go for full custody, but he’ll still be able to see them. He can’t spill about his bigamous marriage because it works both ways, like that fucking injunction he took out against me.

I sorely want to use it against him, make it public, but I need to keep it just between us. It will be our secret, and one that I can use every time he starts his old tricks again. Tough shit if someone else notices; after all, none of this is really secret; it’s all there if anyone cares to put it together, all on public record. I just had to do a bit of digging to find out. He’s as implicated as me. All I have to do now is face him with it.

I go over the scenario in my head on the way to the meeting, over and over again, and before I know it I’m standing at the checkout at Morrisons with a litre of vodka.

Chapter Forty-one

I pay for it and hurry outside. Morrisons backs onto a canal and I duck around the side and into an alcove. I open the bottle and hold it in front of me. I could have a small sip, just to ease my nerves before the meeting. Just a small sip.