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Back Perfect Ten Save as PDF
Chapters (45)
  1. Chapter One
  2. Chapter Two
  3. Chapter Three
  4. Chapter Four
  5. Chapter Five
  6. Chapter Six
  7. Chapter Seven
  8. Chapter Eight
  9. Chapter Nine
  10. Chapter Ten
  11. Chapter Eleven
  12. Chapter Twelve
  13. Chapter Thirteen
  14. Chapter Fourteen
  15. Chapter Fifteen
  16. Chapter Sixteen
  17. Chapter Seventeen
  18. Chapter Eighteen
  19. Chapter Nineteen
  20. Chapter Twenty
  21. Chapter Twenty-one
  22. Chapter Twenty-two
  23. Chapter Twenty-three
  24. Chapter Twenty-four
  25. Chapter Twenty-five
  26. Chapter Twenty-six
  27. Chapter Twenty-seven
  28. Chapter Twenty-eight
  29. Chapter Twenty-nine
  30. Chapter Thirty
  31. Chapter Thirty-one
  32. Chapter Thirty-two
  33. Chapter Thirty-three
  34. Chapter Thirty-four
  35. Chapter Thirty-five
  36. Chapter Thirty-six
  37. Chapter Thirty-seven
  38. Chapter Thirty-eight
  39. Chapter Thirty-nine
  40. Chapter Forty
  41. Chapter Forty-one
  42. Chapter Forty-two
  43. Chapter Forty-three
  44. Chapter Forty-four
  45. Acknowledgements

I suddenly realised that we had no life together. If I disappeared into thin air you wouldn’t miss me, as long as the washing was done and dinner was cooked. It has always been like this, except at the very, very beginning. I was a means to an end. Someone to feed the cat, and then the kids, while you were away. If I got too close, you could just push me away without any fuss. That wasn’t love. It broke my heart.

Chapter Twenty-three

So the words I scrawled on my bedroom wall are the truth. Yet now, in the aftermath and with the real truth out in the open, they matter less. It just makes me more and more determined to show the world who you really are. This room will have to wait. I’m checking into a hotel where I don’t have to think about it. No reminders.

I grab some clothes and push them onto a blue denim holdall with enough spare underwear for five days. I need to have this finished by Tuesday. I send an email to Eileen.

Dear Eileen

I’ve decided to go on a research trip where I can finish writing up the Naylor abstract and think more about this funding bid. I’m really excited! Be in touch,

Caroline

It’s only half a lie – I have finished the Naylor abstract already, but I do need to think about the funding bid.

I sneak out the back way and go to the hole. I need to be anonymous, so I pull out some of the money I had left over from buying the car.

No one is following me. It’s getting dark and I wait until the sun has stopped reflecting off its bonnet. Then I drive up across the moorland, purple with heather and shadowed with dusk. Quite beautiful. It’s all going well until I pass The Tea Cosy.

I can’t help but slow down and stare at the door. It has the closed sign up.

I check myself – weren’t the photographs from the journal enough? Why do I need to see this in person? Unfuck yourself, Caroline, unfuck yourself. It’s as if it’s all become one big game and I need to see it with my own eyes. I check my rationale for doing this – revenge. But revenge without harm. I just want them to suffer emotionally in the same way I did. Just a little bit more, I promise myself, then it’s over.

I can’t think about that now. Wait, Caroline, wait. All in good time. It will all come out in the wash. For now, I need to focus on my next task. I park in the gravel area at the back of the Hare and Hounds Hotel. It’s hidden from the road, which is partly why I chose it.