Every blip in the matrix, every suspicion, every little slip or unusual receipt was met with stony-faced silence. If pursued, an indignant statement would follow. Don’t you trust me? What’s this about? What’s wrong, Caroline? I’d been living in a container where he projected exactly what he wanted me to see on all four sides. I was trapped. I suppose there had been hints from our friends. Lowered eyes, shaking heads, sad looks, all before they dropped out of our lives. But I was so committed that someone would have had to hit me over the head with it.

So what am I not seeing now? The journal is exhausted, the pictures are published, Jack’s reputation is in tatters. None of this can possibly have escaped the attention of most women. It’s been on the national news. It’s time to give up, but he’s not giving up. I just have no idea what else there could be?

But that’s how manipulation makes us. It makes us doubt ourselves. Or grow too sure of ourselves. I was completely sure that he was living with Louise Shaw. What else have I been wrong about?

Chapter Thirty-three

DS Percy is chomping at the bit. She’s fuming. Katy is obviously shocked and DC Lincoln doesn’t know what to make of it all. I have to remember that, as far as they are concerned, I haven’t seen the journal. I still have the flash drive of pictures in my pocket and it feels dangerous. I decide to ramp it up.

‘Wouldn’t it be better to just arrest me, then? You keep telling me that Jack is making complaints against me. So wouldn’t that clear things up?’

She sighs. I can tell that it’s been a very long week for her.

‘We don’t have any evidence. Look, Caroline, this has got completely out of hand. When it was just a domestic issue, with the missing holdall, it was bad enough. But now it’s much bigger. And public. It’s all going to come out in the end, so if you know anything about this, now is the time to tell me. I could understand why you would have kept that bag. And the book.’

I wrap my fingers around the flash drive. It would be so easy to tell her. Let it go. I could plead diminished responsibility and probably get away with it. Everyone would be on my side now they know what he is like. But I wouldn’t get the children back. I wouldn’t be able to meet social services on Tuesday and at least put my case to them. I’ve made some good choices since all that business, stopped myself acting on impulse. I can only get stronger now.