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Back Perfect Ten Save as PDF
Chapters (45)
  1. Chapter One
  2. Chapter Two
  3. Chapter Three
  4. Chapter Four
  5. Chapter Five
  6. Chapter Six
  7. Chapter Seven
  8. Chapter Eight
  9. Chapter Nine
  10. Chapter Ten
  11. Chapter Eleven
  12. Chapter Twelve
  13. Chapter Thirteen
  14. Chapter Fourteen
  15. Chapter Fifteen
  16. Chapter Sixteen
  17. Chapter Seventeen
  18. Chapter Eighteen
  19. Chapter Nineteen
  20. Chapter Twenty
  21. Chapter Twenty-one
  22. Chapter Twenty-two
  23. Chapter Twenty-three
  24. Chapter Twenty-four
  25. Chapter Twenty-five
  26. Chapter Twenty-six
  27. Chapter Twenty-seven
  28. Chapter Twenty-eight
  29. Chapter Twenty-nine
  30. Chapter Thirty
  31. Chapter Thirty-one
  32. Chapter Thirty-two
  33. Chapter Thirty-three
  34. Chapter Thirty-four
  35. Chapter Thirty-five
  36. Chapter Thirty-six
  37. Chapter Thirty-seven
  38. Chapter Thirty-eight
  39. Chapter Thirty-nine
  40. Chapter Forty
  41. Chapter Forty-one
  42. Chapter Forty-two
  43. Chapter Forty-three
  44. Chapter Forty-four
  45. Acknowledgements

Nothing could be further from the truth. I was scared. Scared stiff. Yes. Dr Caroline Atkinson, Ph.D. With the nice house and the nice car. I was scared and confused and you made sure I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t even tell the friends I had left, like Eileen and Fiona, because guess what? I was scared. I didn’t choose not to see my kids. I made sure I actually saw them every day that I could, from a distance. But I was too scared to go near them because of what you would do to me.

This doesn’t wash with people in general. I know this. Why didn’t she leave? Why didn’t she call the police? Why didn’t she just go and see her kids? All the usual questions from people who have never been scared shitless of someone who is deeply involved in their lives, who, at the end of it all – after the hearings and the injunctions – will still be there to carry on.

I tried to tell them that you’d made me like that, but it was too late. Much too late. This is a place that I don’t like to go to, Jack, but only you and I know what happened that day when you came to get the children for the last time.

Chapter Five

Unbelievably, I’d held it together when I came home from the family meeting. I’d gone to school to get them and I was so used to the constant acting over the pain that I smiled and laughed with the other mothers, and sing-songed the children into my car. I didn’t start the engine straight away because I was seriously contemplating just driving. Just driving and not stopping until we were far, far away.

I couldn’t understand how today I was able to see my children. To pick them up, to take them home and to give them their tea. Then, at the allotted time, they would be gone, and from then onwards I would have to make an appointment to see them – although I knew full well that those appointments would never be kept.

I had to do it. I had no choice. So I smiled through it for their sakes. Then, at six o’clock, I heard the gate click and you were here. I was at the top of the stairs, watching you through the little stained-glass window that throws shadows onto the landing. You were confident. Tanned and lean, fighting fit, jubilant from your victory. Here to collect your prize.

My stomach flipped for the millionth time and I went to open the door. It would be just like they were going out with you, wouldn’t it? Except they wouldn’t be coming back. My chest heaved and the bile rose, but you were in the house with your key before I could open the door.