I anticipate the softness that I will dissolve into if I have more than a small sip. I raise the glass to my lips. It’s cold and this is just like an automatic action. Classical conditioning. I’ve conditioned myself to self-medicate. I know this already but it’s not stopping me.

A couple walk past with their dog and stare at me, standing there in a business suit with the bottle. Will it always be like this now? Has life levelled itself into a terrible baseline where I will always have to find a way to ease the pain? Where I will be a perpetual victim? Is there no way out for me?

I screw the top back on the bottle and place it carefully in the corner of the alcove. Then I think again and pour it into the canal and drop the bottle into a waste bin as I hurry back to the car. The assistant who served me is smoking a cigarette outside Morrisons and she looks amazed as I pass her.

I’m back in the car. It’s one-thirty and I’m behind schedule. I have to do this, even if it ends in disaster, which is what I guess I am scared of. I drive into town and park up. I’m not going into the social services building until I absolutely have to. I check my phone again to see if DS Percy has called me back. Nothing at all. On the bright side, there’s nothing from Lee either, so he hasn’t run into any problems.

At quarter to one I see Jack’s bent fucking solicitor arrive and go in. Maybe Jack’s not coming after all. Maybe it’s a trap. This was just supposed to be a chat, not a meeting. Panic. Panic. Panic. I watch as he waits in the doorway, talking on his mobile and looking at his watch.

Ten to one. I guess I should go in. Just as I open the car door I spot Jack walking across the park opposite. Hands in chino pockets, he hasn’t bothered to dress for the occasion. He looks casual and relaxed. I still feel an attraction, even after everything that he did. What the fuck is that? How can it happen? I expect it’s hardwired – we’re attracted in the first place through the urge to reproduce, it’s only afterwards that the emotional bonds that bind us are set.

I wait until he goes in and then walk with wobbly legs across to the building. I hurry my step and soon I’m right behind him. It slips out.

‘Jack.’

He stops dead in his tracks. He turns slowly. I’m shocked to see grey at his temples, but kind of hope that I’m the cause of it.

‘Caroline.’

It sounds smooth and carefree, but I see his face set into a this is going to be interesting expression.