“I second that,” Dr Horne announces with raised eyebrows. “Hi Ellis, and it’s good to see you in person, Liam. But if we can refrain from fouling me during the scan it would be appreciated.” Dr Horne looks different in person compared to a phone screen, she is human-sized for one, but her smile seems so much wider and more genuine in person. With her round face and round eyes she reminds me of the garden gnomes my mom has on her lawn in Florida.

“Sorry Doc, just filled with nerves,” I reply, only marginally embarrassed.

“You’re a first-time dad, you get a pass. So, Ellis, before we get the ultrasound out is there anything going on that you’re worried about?” Giving Ellis her full attention Dr Horne takes a seat on a rolling stool and I move to stand next to Ellis’s head so I can hold her hand.

“Heartburn is kicking my arse but I’m doing good, no more sickness really, it’s just around certain foods.” I fail to stifle a laugh as I remember an incident earlier in the day.

“I wanted to have a tuna sub for lunch and she tried to murder me,” I explain quickly, my smile falling fast. Ellis looks up at me with slight irritation. It’s my cue to keep some thoughts to myself.

“No more tuna for you then, Dad.” Dr Horne continues to talk but I think I black out at her words. It’s the first time someone has called me Dad. Dad is going to be my new name. I am no longer just Liam or Ruin. I’m Dad.

The thing that pulls me back into the room is the whooshing noise from the computer’s speakers. Dr Horne is moving the probe around to find the baby as I wait on bated breath for a glimpse.

Then there it is.

Our baby takes up the screen. Everything else ceases to exist. Nothing but the image of my baby and the feeling of Ellis’s hands tightly wrapped in mine. So much has changed since last time, it’s almost hard to believe it’s the same baby. What was once a small blob now appears to have limbs and a rounded head.

After typing for a few seconds, the screen changes slightly and a different sound falls into the room. Quick heartbeat sounds thump through me. My heart stopped so my baby’s could beat. It feels as though my heart will always beat in tandem with the little person on the screen. The sound is faster than I imagined.

Dread slips over me when Ellis slips her hand from mine. My eyes snap to hers to see her thumb reaching up to wipe tears from my cheek. I couldn’t feel the tears coming, but they don’t surprise me. I have never felt this many emotions at once.

Excited.

Scared.

Thrilled.

Awed.

But mostly so damn scared.