I want him to pull me in, to claim me as his with his lips but he doesn’t. Instead he pulls my cheek against his chest and I hear the quick thumping of his heart against me. The clear rejection stings, but what did I expect? I yell and scream at him and then ask him to kiss me when I have told him I only want a co-parenting relationship. It’s just my hormones talking, it has to be.

“I’m sorry, El,” he begins explaining. “You know I—”

“I get it,” I interrupt him. “I’m overstepping, just ignore me.” I force a smile.

I’m painfully embarrassed. But I can’t let it linger over me like a bad smell. Over the next few days I’ll be entering my second trimester. I worry that if it is anything like last time my libido is about to go through the roof.

Liam can help me with so much, but I wish there was a way that he could help sate that one need for me. I respect his restrain. He’s too gentlemanly to play with a pregnant woman’s emotions.

It’s probably for the best. Getting tangled in the sheets might sound fun, but getting my heart broken by Liam and having to continue to raise a child with him would probably kill me.

Chapter Thirteen

April

Ellis

I am adult enough to admit I’m acting crazy. My hormones are changing so fast that even Liam is having trouble keeping up. One moment I feel like I did after the scan: like an earthquake is rumbling from somewhere in my soul. Then moments later I’m on cloud nine, excited to be on this journey. One big moment of anger was when he admitted the guys know about the baby. I hit the roof. I asked for one thing, for some time to come to terms with anything and he couldn’t give me that. If he can’t follow that simple boundary I can’t imagine how co-parenting is going to work. Obviously he apologised, and his teammates promised to keep it a secret, but it still hurt regardless.

I’m also craving crumpets. I haven’t eaten a crumpet since I left Reading at eighteen, but right now, the warm, buttery taste is all I can think about. I’m lucky that Liam will do anything in his power to make me comfortable, because shipping costs to get British crumpets over here is super expensive. He covered every penny.

I eat them by the packet-full. It feels like each time I blink my emotions switch. There’s an aching need to find some balance. Some stability in the hurricane of my mind. And that is why I have spent the better part of a week trying to convince Liam we should find out the baby’s sex.